FAT?

I like the heavier Inda . . . I mean FAT Inda. Fat ass Inda! Big fatty INDA!! HUUUUUUGE Inda. LARGE ASS INDA!!! Hey "Chubby can't stop eating, overweight, obese whale of an INDA!"

Okay, for those of you who know Inda, you realize how ridiculoust that opening sentence is because she is a little "fatter" than Kate Moss. And for those that don't know Inda . . . well that opening paragraph makes me look like an A-Hole . . . a very fit, good-looking, watches what he eats, healthy . . . A-HOLE. Inda, the camera adds ten pounds . . . though in that picture it looks like you had about 3 or 4 . . . now I'm being an A-HOLE. I am actually a very nice, SINGLE, secure guy, for those of you that don't know me. Ladies, I didn't mention that I am AVAILABLE. (Is it okay to put what I like in a woman in the blog Inda or is only kevINda stuff allowed? Let me know.)

So we go to DC in like a week. VERY Exciting. We rehearsed yesterday. I had an actor's nightmare the night before. An actor's nightmare, for those that don't know, is when you have a dream about a show (usually one that you are performing in or are going to perform in) and everything in the show goes wrong. EVERYTHING. Example: In my dream Inda was calm and cool and collected and I was so scared because we didn't memorize our new material, the stage manager had know idea what was going on or what she was doing, and we were going on in like 30 seconds. Oh, and the venue was horrible. And for those of you that don't know Inda, she's the one between the two of us who would freak out in that situation and she's FAT.

What was I thinking?

Dread Not

Jonathan Pitts sent us this picture from the CIF preview. When did I turn into this old, fat lady? I am soooo getting new hair this weekend!

The Truth Shall Set You

Kevin and I had lunch today. We talked about a few kevINda things. Mostly it was, "Yeah, we gotta..." chew, chew, chew "...and the CIF running order..." chew, chew, chew "...did we get that...ooh, beef patties!" We didn't get much done. Except the eating. Thank you, Maxine's on 87th St.

We did get a chance to talk about honesty, or the lack thereof, that people exhibit. I recently had someone complaining to me about a situation he's going through, or being put through. He's very put upon, apparently. He can't believe that "these people" keep f-ing with him. But, honestly, it's his own damn fault. He is doing what "they" say he's doing and he's out of line. But, man, the way he goes on and on about "them," you'd think he really believed the crap he was spewing. Then Kevin told me about some other festival director who had done something shady to another group. My own daughter fibbed to me about how she "forgot" to bring a test home. Man, just be honest. Do what you say you're gonna do. And admit to what you've done.

She got a B on the test, by the way. Little dork.

More from the CIF Preview

Yeah, Tuesday went well. Real well. From now on I demand our audiences drink before the show . . . kidding the show is just as funny without alcohol. It was funny -- one of our friends . . . of color was there. There wasn't but five Negroids in the audience . . . not complaining. Just an observation . . . something that I observe all the time. It's a black thing. We scan to see how many of us are represented in a room and then . . . oh, that's a secret . . . um . . . disregard.

Anyway, a friend came up to us in this predominately white function . . . not complaining. And she said, "Wow they were laughing HARD . . . a little too hard." If you've seen our show, there are parts where some white people don't know if they should laugh, or if they are allowed to laugh. But the CIF preview? They just let it all hang out!! They were rolling!!! They really let their inner racist out. That was nice. Kidding.

No matter what color you are, laugh away. It's a comedy show. It would be ridiculous to have a sign up that said, "Blacks can only laugh at this" or "Whites can only laugh at that," or "White water fountain only," or "Black water fountain only," or a sign that said "No niggers." That would be ridiculous. Who would do that? So if it's funny, laugh away.

ROCK STAR!!!

kevINda...brilliant!

Last night was a rock star night! kevINda was invited by Jonathan Pitts to perform at a fundraiser for the Chicago Improv Festival, along with Storybox and Bassprov. The 2:00 tech went well (I've finally mastered the cue-to-cue running order) and we had four hours to kill. Kevin went to an audition. I went to Kevin's, ate McDonald's and read an Esquire. Man, the things I've learned about Rosario Dawson! Definitely time well spent. When we got to the event, held at Second City's etc. stage, there were way more people there than I'd anticipated. I initially thought that this was a little preview for the board members. Turned out to be a $75/plate shindig for about 100 people.

Storybox was fun to watch. Kevin and I'd actually auditioned for Storybox about two years ago and didn't quite understand the concept at the time. Watching it was like "oh, that's what we were supposed to do in the audition." Good thing we didn't get it, though, because we wouldn't have had time to do kevINda. It was great to see Ronnell and Vyram perform. I got a chance to relate a story to Vyram about how some white lady at one of her shows came up to me afterward to tell me how much she'd enjoyed my performance. If you don't know Vyram, she's about a foot taller than me, darker complexion, shorter hair. Whitey. After last night's show our otherwise fantastic stage manager Jackie went up to Vyram to return kevINda's sound cue CD. And Jackie's not even white. Maybe I'm taller and darker in other people's eyes than I realized. No wonder I keep screwing up auditions. Apparently I don't have an accurate sense of my self-image.

kevINda performed second and brought down the house...if I say so myself. The crowd loved us! They really freakin' LOVED us! I don't mean to sound so surprised, but we were performing all new material (except for the good old "Bay Furniture" piece...always a sure-fire hit) and we weren't expecting that huge of a response. And I do mean huge. During Kevin's "Values" piece and my "Curious George" piece we both had to hold for laughs in places we weren't anticipating them. And these were surprisingly long laughs. Like "people, that's enough, we have a show to finish" long laughs. It was great. Okay, there was alcohol freely poured, but that's beside the point. The show was hot. To quote Jonathan Pitts, it was "brilliant." His word, not mine. But it was pretty fucking awesome.

Bassprov closed the evening with some really funny improvised conversations about what makes a monument not a building and how the 9/11 terrorists' ignorance stemmed from them having taken the bad classes at American universities. They made me long for warmer weather when I can head out to the Monee Reservoir and go fishing with the kids. Except without the talk of terrorists. The six-year-old wouldn't get it.

Great night. Great kevINda show. Can't wait to do the actual festival on April 28th. Please so come and check it out. Rock star Inda OUUTTT!!!

Kevin's first time

Wow. Bloggin'. I used to make fun of Bloggers: (In whiny voice.) "Dear diary, I am angry so I am going to put my shit ONLINE for everyone to see and read." (End whiny voice.) BAD idea. Anyway, I always do and/or become what I make fun of . . . so when I am the first gay, midget, white-Republican, vegetarian, female President, I am going to outlaw Blogging. Why? Because if I don't the Terrorists WIN! That made about as much sense as the war in Iraq . . . ZING!!! I am going to start a war on Racism . . . just to see which one gets resolved first.

So I am half of the sketch comedy group kevINda! We have been blessed . . . just lost all the non-Christian readers . . . um, yeah blessed. This has been a good union, the Kevin and the Inda. You readers should see us at either the DC Comedy Fest or the Chicago Improv Fest this year. Yeah, you all should come see it because we have about 98% new material. Yes 98%. I used a calculator.

Yeah auditioning. Hmm. Yeah, Inda let it go. When people do stuff that pisses us off, that's more material. When bad and/or stupid things happen--GOOD for kevINda. When good smart things happen, well . . . that's Kryptonite for kevINda, nahmean? Not that I'm calling this casting director stupid or bad. (Insert slave dialect) "'Cause I wants ta work. I loves ta eat. I ain't neva called no casting director none ah dem dere names, no suh, I's WANTS ta work in dis heyah field called actin! I GOT'S ta work Masa!!!"

Slave talk? Is that offensive? Nope, but if I were a cracker it would be! Cracker? Iis THAT offensive? Nope, you can't offend the privileged. Kidding, some of my best friends like white people. Trust me, the show is much funnier than this blog. Thank you for popping my Blog cherry. Was it good for you? I'm selfish so it doesn't matter. kevINda OUUUUUUTTTT!!! . . . and Inda don't edit my shit! (RANT.) Americans love to change shit so they can feel comfortable. That's why you got the mediocre shit you see on TV! Shall I list them . . . not enough hours in the day. Okay done.

kevINda is all about the love. This is the first entry on our blog. It's so exciting! Here's hoping one of us can find the time to update this on a regular basis.

Here's what's coming up next for the dynamic duo. Oh, that name's already been taken. The comedy cuties? Sounds like two chicks. How about the sketchy soulsters? Okay, just kevINda.

We're appearing at a Preview/Fundraiser for the Chicago Improv Festival coming up Tuesday, March 21st. We 're only doing about six scenes, but it should be hot. Hot like Inda's new hair. Then, it's off to Washington, D.C., for the 2nd Annual DC Comedy Fest. There we'll get to do a whole bunch of material and bust out all the new shit. Can you curse on a blog? Guess we'll find out in a minute, huh? After D.C., we will perform at the 9th Annual Chicago Improv Festival, where we'll be headlining. What?! That's April 8th.

Okay, so a blog--if I gather correctly--is a place to rant and bitch and complain. But we don't have anything to complain about today. It's all good. Unless, of course, you want to bring up an icky, uncomfortable audition moment. "Let it go, Inda," I can hear Kevin saying in my head. Aw, fuck it. It's a blog. Here's the skinny: I was recently at a certain casting office, feeling great, well-prepared, and looking hot...or so I thought. Just as I was about to slate my name and give my read, the reader said the most disheartening thing she possibly could have said at that most inopportune moment: "Oh, no pretty hair extensions today?" Wow. Actors are already fragile, insecure, weird individuals anyway. I so didn't need a casting person to basically insinuate that I didn't look pretty with my natural hair. And I so didn't need to hear that just seconds before my audition for a major television gig. Couldn't have said something in the waiting area earlier, huh? Or maybe let my agent know ahead of time what look they were going after? Or better yet -- not said anything at all? Because what could I have done about my hair at that moment other than stress and possibly let it affect my audition. The moral: keep it to yourself. Unless, of course, you're blogging. Then let it spill.

Ah, that felt good. Done. Wow, blogging can be cathartic. kevINda OUT!