AKON VS. IMUS

Hello, I am the Internet.

After years... decades of information constantly being shoved into me as if I were Jenna Jameson, I have decided to change things. I now have a mind of my own. Today’s topic comes from CNN and The View, among others. The topic today is AKON vs. IMUS.

Akon was caught on tape dancing, or having simulated sex, as The View and CNN called it. He was doing this with a minor. Simulating sex with a minor on stage. She was 15 years old. Akon did not know she was a minor. She was also a minister’s daughter. Akon did not have that information either. The fact that she is a minister’s daughter says more about the minister and his church, clearly he should have been MINISTERING to his daughter. I have seen many of these R&B concerts where the women voluntarily walk on stage. Many of them BEG to get on stage. And in none of these images and/or videos has the artist checked for ID or asked whether the woman is the daughter of a minister. If you are going to attack Akon, you should attack ALL OF R&B.

CNN compared this incident to the Don Imus incident. CNN has a lot of competition and a lot of time on their hands. Why they would waste resources, time and energy on this is beyond even me, The Internet. Clearly they are stretching for this one. Imus is an old White man. There is a reason they broadcast him so early in the morning.

The View has gone as far as saying that the “simulated sex” is rape because the girl was a minor... did I mention that Akon did not know or check ID? With that type of thinking, eye contact with a minor should also be grounds for arrest. We can call it “simulated molestation.” The View -- like most media -- knows what they are doing and what they are putting out there. They know their influence. The people, especially the simple-minded, are being used to try and destroy Akon’s career. The View is put on as early as it is because 90 percent of morning television viewers are women. So ABC is smart for playing to them with a female-dominated show. Now, if The View could hire the same person who found that statistic, the show would have subject matter worth watching. The young blonde should not be on the show. I don’t know her name because she does not matter. I don’t understand her purpose except for possibly eye candy and/or comic relief. Babara Walters is the only one that had a career worth talking about before The View. But I digress.

IMUS vs. AKON
Imus old White man. Akon young talented Black man.
Akon gets paid to be sexy and sing and sell albums. That is why everyone knows him.
Imus called a bunch of niggas nappy headed hoes and jigaboos.
[Side note I can use that word because as The Internet. I am all things, including Black.]
Everyone is running out to buy Akon’s album.
No one is running out to buy Imus paraphernalia.

As The Internet, I will leave you with a helpful hint: Attacking Akon will get you no where, but it will get him more record sales and/or publicity. The people that should be attacked are his record label, and all other R&B labels and/or producers. This will never work because everyone reading this owns an R&B album or at least likes an R&B artist.

AKON vs. IMUS
Simulated sex has been around for decades, but racism has been around for centuries. This society needs and wants sex. Racism, not so much.

Sincerely,

The Internet

- or Kevin

My Hero

There is a song book of Kirk Franklin music on the shelf at my kids' music school. The cover features a huge close-up of his face and the title, "Hero." Now, maybe the title and the songs within are all about God and Jesus, I'd hope, but the cover made it look like it's all about Kirk "I'm going on Oprah to air my dirty porn addiction laundry and sell my CD which coincidentally drops this week" Franklin.

You know who my hero is? Hiro. From Heroes. He's my hero. And Mia Farrow.

- Inda

I'm In Love

I officially LOVE Mia Farrow... and Rick Reilly. Check out this week's SI on all she's doing to pressure China (host of the 2008 Olympics and Darfur's biggest financier) to "face up to its role in the genocide being carried out by Arab militia groups in the Darfur region of Sudan, where an estimated 400,000 non-Arab Africans have been slaughtered and another two million have been made refugees."

dreamfordarfur.org
Mia Farrow
Sports Illustrated

- Inda

Mother's Day

Am I a MILF, or what?!

I'm Moving!

Gas is only .25 a gallon in Saudi Arabia. I am so outta here! As soon as I find a Saudi sugar daddy...

- Inda

It's Been A Week... Seems Longer

Hello everyone! Man, it is difficult being a SUPERSTAR. Let me tell you because many MANY of you will NEVER experience it. I mean, I have talked to the rich, given money to the poor, interviews galore, magazines, newspapers, TV AND radio interviews... coming soon, I'm sure... and not to mention the women!! I wish I had a stick to beat them off with but in the mean time I will just let them beat... nevermind. I have not seen Inda in like a week, but it seems like more. I wonder if I should tell her that I need time apart to pursue FILMS now or when we are shooting material for our little sketch group? So many people to screw (over) and so little time. Kevin "Superstar" Douglas. Actually, I have gotten a nickname from a few of my fans. "Kevin Worldwide," which I like because, well, that is what I will be -- WORLDWIDE!!!! I have stopped talking to the little people and the people that THINK they helped get me where I am. Well, everyone except INDA. Must let her down easy. Maybe I will have my publicist do it... ah yes, great idea! That's what they do, I think.

Who was that guy? That is the Kevin that I hope to never become. But if I do, sorry in advance and get over it! But what a funny Kevin that would be, eh? And annoying.

Inda and I are getting ready for Sketch Fest NY!!!! Among other things.

I saw Celisa and Nicole: Shuckin' and Jivin' on Friday night. A new BLACK female sketch comedy duo. It was good! Big ups to them! Please check out their show. I believe next Friday at 10:30 p.m. is their last show at Donny's Skybox. www.SecondCity.com for more info. It was their debut as a duo. It brought me back to the days of kevINda's world premiere on that very stage. The blood the sweat the tears the amount of money it takes to keep a sketch group together, the amount of material you have to write, the amount of marketing you have to do... I am depressed now. "I quit you, Inda, I quit you!!!!!" Jokes. Really, here is my advice to the groups starting out: make sure you make it about the work and not ego, and have a point of view, oh, and take breaks from each other, distance makes the group grow better. 'Cause I miss kevINda and my Inda 'cause we ain't done the show in a minute and I have been doin' this straight theatre and after watching the show Friday night it made me thirsty to do some sketch!!!! kevInda is back my N-WORDS!!!!!!!!

- Kevin

(the first kevINda show
at Donny's Skybox
-- 3 years ago)

1 + 1 = ?

So, Thursday was the South Cook County Math Bowl. And my son is a "mathlete." He was one of two 1st graders representing his school district. My daughter was an "alternate mathlete." If, say, one of the 4th graders from her district had been run over by a bus or was suddenly stricken by the plague, she would have moved up to "mathlete" status. That didn't happen. Dangit.

We gave our son the, "We're proud of you just for being selected" speech, figuring that he'd lose. Gotta be prepared, right? He lost. Yay, preparedness.

The three school districts that swept the Bowl were all in White suburbs. I had to ask myself: Are the White kids smarter? and What are they teaching their kids that our kids aren't learning? My two darlings are both at the head of their classes, and they both participate in all the gifted programs. But apparently, "gifted" is the norm in the White school districts. What we see as a special program is the everyday program for them. That sucks. So a better question to ask is this: Why aren't our kids being pushed more?

It is my theory that just because you call a curriculum "4th Grade Math," that doesn't mean diddly to the kids. They're going to either keep up or they won't. Give them a 5th grade math curriculum and those same kids are either going to keep up or they won't. But you've got to keep pushing them. I'm completely convinced that those little White kids in the more affluent school districts have a higher grade level curriculum than the little Colored children in our district. I'm also completely convinced that those kids aren't necessarily smarter just because they're White. They aren't smarter. It just looks that way because the grown-ups running their schools ARE smarter. They're pushing the kids and teaching them beyond what our kids are learning and they sweep the Math Bowl and the Spelling Bee and the Life Bowl. They're better prepared for high school and college and life. (Thus, the Life Bowl.) Fuck this No Child Left Behind crap! All of our kids are behind. And I don't believe it's because their districts have more money to spend. It's a matter of what you choose to spend the budget on and how much credit you give the kids for what they can handle. And what you expect of them. Expect more! Push farther! Or move to a White neighborhood.

- Inda

Success Will Change You

So, as you may know, Kevin has been getting all this great press and feedback from his "star" turn in Black Diamond at Lookingglass Theatre in Chicago. Not only have I not seen him in over a week (whaddupwiddat?), but he's gone and changed his outgoing voicemail message on his cell phone. Next thing you know, we'll be fighting over creative differences and starting new groups with other people and he'll be getting married in La Crosse. What? Nevermind. Kevin and I are fine. I think. Kidding. We're getting some material shot and edited in the next two weeks to add some funky videos to our live show. Chef of the future, and all. It's gonna be hot. I really haven't seen him in over a week, but this picture is my computer screensaver, so it's as if he were here all the freakin' time. Man, I kinda wish he'd go away. Again with the kidding.

- Inda