Kevin's Got a New Woman

NOTE: Inda posted a day late. Pretend it's yesterday.

Happy 6-6-06 EVERYONE!!! The OMEN came out today . . . good marketing, eh?

No, the Lord is not coming. If you read the Bible, which most of you probably don't -- not judging, I just know that most people are lazy and it's a long book -- anyway, it says He will come like a thief in the night. That means when you least expect it. There. Moving forward.

There are no open mics here. L.A. totally spoiled me. I was all ready to go do it tonight, I was all pumped and then I look in the Reader and it's like all music and poetry...do people still do poetry? No offense to poets, but more than an hour of open mic poetry and I'm done. Although one could argue more than a half hour of bad open mic stand-up comedy and they're done, touche. But yeah I have to go to an open mic and ask the comedians where the open mics are, like they are freakin' speakeasies! In L.A. you run into one every block. Kidding. That's NY. I hear.

I have had an audition every day since I have been back. Crazy. See, the theory works. When you stay in Chicago you don't get shit, but the moment you make plans to leave they won't stop ringing your freakin' phone. But I am leaving Chicago, oh, no, I am out of here. You had your chance, you bitch!! It's over. I have a new woman and her name is L.A. Sure, she's not as smart as you, and doesn't care about my talent, and only cares about money and what I look like, but guess what? She is not nearly as cold as you can be. She's hot. And she's hot ALL the time. Not wishy-washy like you with your fall, WINTER, spring and SHORT summer. Yeah, my new bitch, L.A., knows how to treat a man...that is famous or has a coke addiction, or can get her parts in the industry. No, I am not that man, NOT YET. But soon, and oh, yes, she'll want me just like you want me RIGHT now, Chicago. But I am OUTTA here!!

- Kevin