I Don't Want Your Cookies!

I was shopping at Carson Pirie Scott a few days ago. Spending money. A good amount of it. I noticed a few employees walking around carrying trays of chocolates for guests. I was a guest. But I resisted the first offer because I really didn't need any sweets. I wanted to be healthier and not indulge myself so much. Then I resisted the second offering of chocolates. As I was leaving the store to get my free panties at Victoria Secrets... ladies, you know what I'm talking about... I noticed a table set up with chocolate and cookies. I thought, "What the heck. I'll take a look. Maybe this time I will have a piece of chocolate. I'm a guest. I've spent my good money in this store. I deserve it."

No sooner than I'd thought the thought and shifted my Carson's bags (NOTE: plural... because I'd been shopping... spending my money in their store) an employee came over and said, "Those are for make-up customers only." Now, I normally would have been okay with that. Rules are rules and I generally respect the rules.

But this particular time it rubbed me the wrong way. The employee who stopped me was obviously on her way to snake a cookie for herself. Deflecting her own guilt, she decided to pull out some authority on me. Then this fat bitch, and I mean that whole-heartedly, stuck her fat hand into the cookie tray and popped a cookie into her fat pie hole and walked her fat ass away!

Did she not realize how ridiculous she was? How illogical and faulty her rationalale for denying me a cookie or piece of chocolate as she -- obiviously NOT a "make-up customer" -- shoved a cookie into her fat face?

Here's what happened next: Alternate-Universe Inda told her about herself, cussed her out, demanded to speak to her manager, demanded an apology, flung the plates of cookies and chocolates into the air, and said, "I don't want your cookies. Now clean it up, worker!" In the end Alternate-Universe Inda walked away victorious, justified, and 2 inches taller, my long weave flowing and soundtrack music playing. Probably something by Prince.

Here's what really happened next: This-Universe Inda just walked away. And wrote an angry blog.

- Inda