Child Rearing

I just came from my three-year-old nephew's birthday party. He isn't potty trained, yet he chugs Coca-Cola like a grown-up. He doesn't talk either. Not really. Another kid at the party (we'll just describe him the way my sister-in-law did: "That fat, greedy bitch's kid") picked his nose and then ate his booger. And yet another kid came up to the birthday cake, stuck her finger deep into it, and then licked the cake and icing off of her filthy, little digit. Not the cake on her plate or someone else's slice of cake. The whole birthday cake. Like it was nothing.

Here are Inda's Child-Rearing Rules:

1. No undiluted carbonated drinks for kids. They don't need the bubbles nor the sugar.

2. No caffeinated drinks for children -- EVER. It's bad for them.

3. No booger picking. Use a freakin' tissue. You aren't saving the environment my cutting back on Kleenex.

4. Definitely noooooo booger eating. That's just fucking nasty.

5. Use a utensil with your own food servings on your own plate. There's no such thing as "common cake."

6. If you are "the fat, greedy bitch," come to terms with it. Don't bring nine kids to someone else's party and begin to serve them pizza paid for by people you don't even know.

Don't invite Inda to little kids' parties. I hate kids. Except my own.

- Inda