kevINda.com blog

kevINda Gets Some Press!

2008-04-10T09:43:00.003-05:00

Here's a snippet of Steve Heisler's article. Click this link to read the full article, and this link to read the Chicago Sun-Times article from earlier this week.

- Inda

Time Out Chicago / Issue 163 : Apr 10–16, 2008

Diverse engineering
African-American sketch and improv comics continue to create.

By Steve Heisler

“Audiences tend to be surprised,” says Inda Craig-Galván, half of the politically charged sketch duo kevINda. “They’ll come up to us after our show and say, ‘You guys are so smart.’ It’s like they expected us to buffoon and do Jimmie J.J. Walker.” She isn’t talking about some long-ago show or backwoods venue. Her group—which will join Schadenfreude at Steppenwolf’s Celebration of Chicago Sketch Comedy Monday 14—performs for Los Angeles industry folk and audiences at national comedy festivals. The reality is that even for African-American sketch and improv groups that find success, the going remains rough.

kevINda storms Steppenwolf Monday 14, and Pimprov struts to CIC Saturday 12.

There's a lot more! Read the article!!!

Ease on Down

2008-04-04T16:24:00.003-05:00

I just finished taping the pilot for WTTW's new show, IL Informed, which features sketch comedy, interviews with Chicago politicians, and one incredibly cute lion. IL Informed was written by Schadenfreude, most of whom perform in the pilot. It also features me, Ithamar Enriquez and Joe Canale. The show airs May 4th at 10pm. It will be rebroadcast throughout that week, and we'll post all of the dates and times as it gets closer.

- Inda

What Is Inda Up To?

2008-03-17T16:01:00.001-05:00

So glad you asked.

I'm starring in a pilot for a new show -- being shot right here in Chicago. WTTW (Channel 11) has partnered with Schadenfreude to create a new Chicago-based sketch comedy pilot called "IL-Informed." The show stars Schad, alongside Ithamar Enriquez, Inda Craig-Galvan and Joe Canale. We're taping the show in front of a live studio audience on March 24, 25 and 26. It's like a sitcom, but without Patricia Heaton.

Thanks again for wondering. Didn't know I could read minds, did ya?

- Inda

37,835!

2008-02-06T10:27:00.000-06:00

That's the number of Illinois voters who, yesterday, voted for John Edwards. The man isn't even running anymore! There are 37,835 adults, with the right and the ability to vote, who cast a ballot for a man who announced that he's no longer running. Edwards didn't whisper it to one or two people and then slink away. He ANNOUNCED that he's no longer in the game! He basically said, "Don't vote for me! Vote for someone who is not me because I am no longer running. Oh, by the way, don't vote for me."

Granted, there wasn't enough time to reprint the ballots and his name was right there along with the other candidates still in the race. But if Gumby's name were accidentally printed, somebody probably would have voted for him, too.

Among these 37,835, surely there are parents raising children. And there are probably loads of licensed drivers operating heavy machinery on the roadways. There are people with bank accounts -- hell, some of the 37,835 may even be in charge of your money. God forbid there are teachers, pharmacists, construction workers amongst the group.

I don't have anything against the man. If neither Obama nor Clinton were running and Edwards were suddenly back in the race, I may have voted for him myself. Nothing against him. I have a huge something against people bringing their cluelessness into the voting booth. Maybe you don't know every bill that your candidate has supported on in the past. Maybe you don't know what his/her stance was on every issue that went through Congress. But not knowing if they are even running?! It's bad enough that no one checks for i.d. when you go to vote. Maybe now there needs to be a check for i.q. as well.

- Inda

Wrong Order

2008-01-16T12:22:00.000-06:00

I went to lunch with a friend yesterday at an Asian noodle restaurant. You know, they have 20 different noodle bowls you can order, along with a few rice dishes and appetizers. I decided to try something I'd never had before. No wild ingredients, just a dish that I hadn't had the opportunity to sample before now. I love ordering new things. I'm an adventurous eater. I'll try anything. So I ordered my dish quite confidently, very pleased with myself for possessing this quality.

The server gave me this judgmental look and asked, "Have you had that before?" "No," I replied enthusiastically, ready to try something new. "You should get the Pad Thai," she told me. Just like that. Just flat. No reason why. No "this dish is really kinda shitty and we should really take it off the menu" explanation. Just "You should get the Pad Thai." Now, I've got nothing against Pad Thai. I've had it probably 50 times. In fact, I love Pad Thai. But that's not what I wanted this time. If I'd wanted Pad Thai I would have ordered Pad Thai. But apparently, I was wrong. And I let this woman talk me out of getting what I'd really wanted. Just like I'd let the mechanic talk me into getting my tires rotated when all I'd needed was an oil change earlier in the day. Just like later that day I bought an XM home kit from the guy in the electronics department at Walmart when all I went in there for was toilet paper. I don't think I should order/buy things on Tuesdays. I shouldn't shop at all on Tuesdays. Apparently, I do it wrong. By the way, I didn't order the Pad Thai. I got curry noodles. Didn't like it. Too much broth.

- Inda

NBC Sketch Showdown...It's On!

2008-01-14T18:41:00.000-06:00

kevINda has been invited to perform at the NBC Universal 2008 Nationwide Sketch Showdown. It's in L.A. on Tuesday, January 29, at the Ivar Theatre in Hollywood. We're gonna bring it. Ooh, that didn't sound very humble. We thank God for this opportunity... to bring it.

- Inda

Disney, But Sincere

2008-01-10T15:17:00.000-06:00

I was at an audition yesterday. I had two auditions and a callback, actually. God is good. How that happened is a story in itself. It's a "things happen for a reason" story. Yeah, another time.

The reason for this blog is that I had this audition and I realized that the clients are never clear. As a matter a fact, they are usually contradictory with their direction and what they want. Now, mind you, I am saying clients not casting directors ('cause N'Word needs to work, nahmean?!). And it's across the board -- Chicago and L.A. clients. Here is the direction that I got today: "We need Disney, but sincere, not camp." Yeah, actors get directions like that all the time. "Okay we need her to be loose, but she's not a slut." "We need him to be intelligent, but stupid." "He's black, but he's allergic to chicken."

- Kevin

Good Job

2008-01-09T19:30:00.000-06:00

I went into a coffee/breakfast/brunch restaurant today after an audition. It's nice to treat yourself to a little something after an audition, so at least you feel like somebody's saying, "Good job."

I asked for a yummy chocolate mocha coffee kiss thingy... with soy milk. Five minutes later the server apologized for the delay and told me that she was just waiting for the steamer to get fixed. Another seven minutes later she apologized again and said that it looked like the steamer wouldn't be working at all. In that case, in ordered a coffee. No big deal. Oh, and with soy milk on the side. Then the server apologized that they were out of soy milk.

Didn't she know this when I ordered the first drink with soy or was she planning to sneak one by my intestinal tract? Twenty minutes after I'd ordered my yummy drink, I had a cup of tea. It was really good. But it was a bit of a disappointment. I'm still waiting to find out if I booked the audition.

- Inda

And how many baths?

2008-01-06T09:11:00.000-06:00

A woman called my office where I work part-time as a Realtor. Since I was on floor duty, I had the pleasure of taking her call. Her request: a 3-bedroom house, with a garden, hardwood floors, up to $250,000, needing some cosmetic updates okay, near a library, 2-car garage, up to a 40-minute driving commute to work, and no Mexicans.

She really and truly said that she was looking for a house in a White area, with no Mexicans. She didn't just think it or hint at it. She said it. Out loud. And I believe she meant it.

I didn't know that there were people bold/careless/stupid enough to say something like that. Unless it's a test. It could have been someone from the Equal Housing department trying to get me to slip up. I didn't, of course. I remembered my discriminatory practices training, and I did my duty as a responsible and ethical Real Estate professional. I was the "source for the source," referring her to the U.S. Census Bureau's website so she could do her own research. I informed her that I could help her once she could provide a specific town or street name in which she'd like to begin her home search. But that call could have just as easily been real. And this woman might really be looking for such a home in such an area.

I am amazed and saddened and yet strangely humored by this incident. I hope she finds what she's looking for. I hope I can somehow help her... in several senses of the word "help." I hope to see my friend again some day. Sorry, wrong story. And that caller probably wouldn't even like Zihuatanejo.

- Inda Craig-Galván (That's Mexican, by the way.)

Mugging is NOT Acting

2008-01-05T07:16:00.000-06:00

I recently saw a sketch comedy show that angered me so much. The only sistah in the show relied so heavily on mugging and making big faces that by the end of the night I wanted to poke my own eyes out. Here's what's in her skill bag: the ooh-lawdy-I'm-so-scared face, the oh-no-you-didn't! face, the aw-hell-no! face, the what-did-he-just-say-to-me? face -- scratch that -- it was the same as the oh-no-you-didn't! face, and then there was the I'm-just-pleased-as-punch-with-myself-so-I'ma-smile-ear-to-ear! face. Made me want to punch her in the face.

Several of the White actors in the cast had depth of character, showed layers, made interesting choices and varied the timing of their delivery from one character to the next. That's what is expected of them. There are so many of them doing this work that they have to be really kick-ass and unique in order to stand apart from the over-abundant crowd of White male improvisers. But because the numbers of us doing sketch and improv are so much lower... what? How does that rationale work exactly? As long as we do something that gets the laughs, we're not held to the same acting standards? We just have to mug and make big faces and someone thinks we're funny because that's what Black folks in comedy do? And since there are so few Black women, especially, doing sketch, that somehow becomes our go-to thing?

Is it our own fault as performers for doing it in the first place? Or should we blame the audiences for fostering the multiplication of these types of performers by laughing in the first place? Is it The Man's fault for casting that type of actor in comedy? And it's not even just sketch comedy. It's commercials with the sassy, fat Black woman. It's my favorite soap opera with the take-no-jive, angry but sassy, fat Black nurse. Dangit! Where can we draw the line between "I'm Black and this is my unique voice" and "I'm Black... ain't I funny?"

I clearly need someone to blame. I felt offended. I felt maddened. I felt the desire to do something. Not just blog about it. But to actually do something. I'm enrolling in an improv acting class next week to work on more of my own characters. I'm going to write more kevINda sketches. I'm taking a theatre company up on their offer to join with them and teach some sketch workshops to actors of color. And, yes, I am blogging. Mugging is not acting. And I realize that blogging is not action. But I needed to vent. Now, I'm going to act.

- Inda

happy new year... shhhhh...

2008-01-02T18:02:00.000-06:00

Why does champagne hurt so much the next day?

- Inda

If I Had a Nickel...

2007-12-28T20:39:00.000-06:00

If I actually got paid for writing, like an actual bi-weekly paycheck that I could count on every... well, every two weeks... I'd be really frackin' happy about that. Okay, maybe not a nickel a word, but a paycheck nonetheless.

I was reading the "Best of..." articles in the Arts section of the Chicago Tribune this week. They gave space -- and a paycheck -- to a writer who does fine work in the Chicago Tribune Magazine. She went out of the country to do an in-depth story on girls growing up in some poor African village. She wrote one on girl scouting and the morals of young women. Lovely words. In the Chicago Tribune Magazine. Which is where she and her lovely words should stay. Confined. Locked up tight. But to give this twit a byline in the Arts section was so absolutely wrong that I can't even begin to understand what they were thinking.

She didn't watch any movies. Her "article" said that she didn't watch them (because she was out of the country writing an in-depth story on girls growing up in some poor African blah blah blah). She didn't have time. Her "article" (can you tell I hate this notion?) then went on to say that 2007 wasn't such a great year for films. WHAAHHH? She didn't even see the big movies that are on all of the film critics' top 10 lists, referring to a few of them as "little gems." Little gems that she didn't even see. Wow.

She who must not be named is getting paid to give a year-end wrap-up of films she admittedly hasn't seen. Did I mention that SHE'S GETTING PAID to do this? And here I blog.

If I had a nickel...

- Inda

Thanks, Byron

2007-12-26T16:40:00.000-06:00

I was at the party with a bunch of Chicago actors the other night, and Byron Willis reminded me of something. So screw you, Kevin Douglas.

1. I was in a play, "Feelings," with Kellita Smith
2. Kellita was on The Bernie Mac show
3. Bernie Mac was in Bad Santa with Billy Bob

Me and Billy are like this! (Imagine my index finger and my middle finger... oh, you get it.)

- Inda

I'm Tight Like That With Billy Bob!!!

2007-12-24T16:52:00.000-06:00

Okay, I came up with five degrees of separation between me and Billy Bob Thornton. I'm quite excited about that. Of course, I'm happy that my other half, Kevin, is having success in his career as a theatre actor. But, really, what can he do for me? How does it come around to me? And how can his talents get me closer to Billy Bob? Well, here it is.

1. Inda and Kevin Douglas are kevINda
2. Douglas and David Schwimmer are in Lookingglass Theatre Company
3. Schwimmer and George Clooney were on Friends
4. Clooney and Bernie Mac were in Oceans 11-13
5. Mac and Billy Bob Thornton were in Bad Santa

We're so tight, well... I could use all sorts of yummy euphemisms for just how tight we are, but they're all pretty dirty so I'll just skip it. The point is -- we're tight.

- Inda

Christmas Alone

2007-12-22T10:21:00.000-06:00

I will be spending Christmas in L.A. It will be weird being here with no family, and not really celebrating the way I am accustomed to celebrating... oh, I forgot to que the violins. Anyway, it will be fine. I am excited and blessed to be alive. Now time for updates:

I just found out that I am the newest Artistic Associate of Lookingglass Theatre Company!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! Very exciting. I have done two shows with them and about three readings and seen at least five or six of their productions... I mean our productions. Our shows? That feels weird. It's too early. Anyway, I could go on and on about the company and how they do great work and how you won't be sorry if you see a Lookingglass show and blah blah blah, but I suggest you go to their website. That's all I am going to say. I am in their (our? No, still weird) production of Around the World in Eighty Days which goes up in April. Again, EXCITED! Yes, I will be back in Chicago just as the weather is getting a little better. Good timing, eh?

Not as good as my timing coming out here. Yeah, the strike. It's not gonna end, but I have Chicago and plenty of work there if it doesn't. I am using L.A. for its money. Yes, using it like a cheating boyfriend uses his secret lover when the significant other is away, only my girl (Chicago) is cool with it. Yeah, I am seeing other people, basically. Time apart, if you will. And since there is not much work here I will probably be begging my girl Chicago to take me back, but with my luck she'll have moved on to someone younger, funnier, more talented and more Canadian.

I probably won't be here for long. I mean I'll be back when there is work but otherwise, why stay? For the traffic? For the women who don't want you unless you are someone or slept with someone who is someone? For the traffic? For the no work?

In other Kevin news: I have a commercial agent!!!! WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Very excited. I did improv at the Comedy Store with a group of guys who I think are considering having me join their troop. Yeah, the Comedy Store! Every comedian of note has performed there -- and even ones that are not of note. It was fun. And I may be doing stand up there. Mm-hmm. Yup. I have to get it together and an opportunity like that may force me to get it together.

Go and see I Am Legend. It is great. DO NOT SEE IT IF YOU READ THE BOOK, HATE WILL SMITH, OR ARE JUST A PLAIN MISERABLE PERSON WHO LOVES TO BITCH. But you other people will love it or like it alot. It stressed me out, too. Man, scary movies are awesome. I am going to write one and I think I am going to call it Are They... just kidding, Inda. Inside joke, non-kevINda-ers.

Okay, I think I am done. I miss my Inda. Que or cue the violins:
Well, I hope your Christmas is better than mine will be. I hope none of you are alone like I will be. I guess things could be worse. I could be dead. HAHAHAAAAAA. Sorry, I could not keep a straight face. I am fine. I am hanging with some friends. We are gonna do a pot luck and I will probably go see Great Debaters (Cue Violins) Alone.

- Kevin

I Poop You Not

2007-12-19T18:26:00.000-06:00

These are some of the actual responses from my next-door neighbor's 18-year-old son when I told him yesterday that his dog may not poop in my yard and that I expected him to clean up the three piles of poop already there:

I don't make him go in your yard.
What do you want me to do?
Is that even your property?
If it's behind your house, isnt that community property or something?
It'll break down eventually and turn into fertilizer. It's good for the grass.
I know dogs.

It was probably the most ghetto-fabulous conversation I've ever had. As soon as it was over, I called that boy's mama on her job. Five minutes later, that boy was in my yard, picking up his dog's poop in a Jewel bag. Ah, my people.

- Inda

Porky's 12

2007-12-05T18:07:00.000-06:00

I feel as though I have been making some ramshackle career decisions that have led me to feeling unfulfilled. I turned down a reading yesterday that I really wanted to do, in order to go to a callback audition for an out-of-town local pizza commercial that I probably won't even get. And my agent probably could have rescheduled my audition time so I could have done both, but far be it for help to come when you want it. Bitter? Meow-meow-mee? "Sorry, Mr. Bill Duke, I can't do your play. I'm working on Porky's 12." That's the L.A. equivalent to my Midwestern situation. Or at least that's how it feels. Opportunities keep swirling about, taunting me (and kevINda), and then they seem to disappear. Or get postponed. Or go on strike. And if I get one more e-mail that starts: Thank you for your interest in... or contains the phrase ... however, we had such a large number of qualified applicants... I AM GOING TO SCREEEEEAAAAMMM! Or just blog quietly.

- Inda

Stuck

2007-12-04T19:00:00.000-06:00

I have been stuck at La Guardia Airport all afternoon.
I was in New York on a Second City gig, working as an actor/improviser.

I had to turn down a reading at a theatre that I'd love to work at, and it's a director with whom I'd love to work.
I had to turn it down because I have a commercial callback at the same time.

I have to work extra hours/gigs to make some cash.
I need the extra cash to fly out to L.A. for an important showcase.

So, I guess when you're stuck it's not always a bad thing. It's just hard to see it sometimes because you're... well, stuck in the middle of it.

- Inda

I Just Cried

2007-11-30T21:16:00.000-06:00

He's leaving SI. I have nothing else to say. I'll go cry some more now.

- Inda

No. The Answer To Your Question, Rodney, Is No. Apparently Not.

2007-11-29T16:44:00.001-06:00

SAN BERNARDINO, Calif. - Rodney King, whose beating by Los Angeles police in 1991 drew international headlines, has been shot, but his wounds are not life-threatening, according to media reports.

Rialto police Sergeant Don Lewis told the Riverside Press-Enterprise that King was hit in the face and arm by shotgun pellets on a San Bernardino street corner Wednesday night. He bicycled to his home in neighboring Rialto to call police and was taken to a hospital.

Police said when they arrived at the home, King and others there appeared drunk and few were cooperative in providing information.

My favorite parts of this are that he rode his bike home after getting shot in the face, and he was drunk. Fantastic.
- Inda

Timing

2007-11-13T11:17:00.000-06:00

The strike is in full effect. Wow. I am so glad I came out here when I did. Meanwhile, back in Chicago I have turned down like three gigs. Yeah, they would have been worth it if it were 20 to 100 dollars to fly. Not complaining nor am I saying it's bad luck. Because it's not. I don't have bad luck. I have life lessons. Everything is learning and growing. And Dad, I am not really living in my car. I have a very comfortable couch (thank you Brian, Christian and Larry). Very comfortable. More comfortable than any bed I have ever slept on in my life. It was funny, yesterday I was talking to Inda and she was like hey Kevin are you doing okay. I was like yeah, and she was like are you eating well and I was like yeah... just as I was ordering a large fry from Jack in the Box. It was hillarious. Oh timing. I was going to order a cup of water and they wanted a nickel for the cup.I was too proud to get out of my car and search the ground for the two extra pennies.

- Kevin

Making Room

2007-11-01T15:04:00.000-05:00

Big things are about to happen. I don't know what, but I know they are. They have kinda already started happening, to be honest... more on that in future blogs.

I have had to deal with a lot of stuff since moving here. UNNECESSARY stuff, stuff that should have been taken care of before I moved here, stuff out of my control, stuff that just came out of nowhere, and stuff that I have trusted other people to take care of.

See, God gets you in a place to receive His blessings. So I could sit here and complain about all this stuff, but I think it's Him making room by bringing all this stuff to light so that I can deal with all of this stuff and make room for what ever He has planned for me.

- Kevin

My Carpartment

2007-10-27T13:27:00.000-05:00

I am in L.A. Miss you too, Inda. Glad I was the cause of your lack of booking. Inda has an audition for something I am not allowed to make fun of until she books it and I hope she gets it because my head is going to explode with all the comments I want to make. Please God let her book this.

Yeah, in L.A. Not quite situated, but more situated than I was. My car died in Texas. Yup, it caught on fire. Not a big fire, but big enough to freak me out and kill the engine and leave it in El Paso. It was funny ten minues after it happened. Hey, some advice if you are driving cross country: get full coverage on your insurance and especially on your roadside assistance. AAA is useless if you don't have full coverage when going across country. I bought a new car a few days ago. Yeah, 2006 Ford Focus. It is going to be my car/apartment. Very excited. I have never lived in a car before.

L.A. is cool. The weather is the same every day. The fires suck... sorry, is it too early. But seriuosly, that is awful and they are saying it's arson. Man, now everyone is saying FEMA got there mighty quick, eh? Yeah, Bush just can't win and neither can FEMA.

Traffic here is awesome. You get so much done and so many phone calls get made and not to mention all of that pesky gas you get to burn while you wait in traffic.

Another actor on LOST was arrested for a DUI. He must have been celebrating his final episode... and if he wasn't, he will soon. Fans, don't get too attached to the Asian dude...

I went to Portland, Maine, a few weeks ago to visit a friend and see her perform in The Piano Lesson. The show was good. Maine is nice but it shuts down like at 6PM. Oh, and there are no Black people. The ones they have are from out of town.

Well, goodnight, I have to get my car ready for bed.

- Kevin

My First Weeks Alone

2007-10-22T12:10:00.000-05:00

So, I thought I'd be horribly miserable, trying to get through two weeks without my Kevin.

Turns out I booked a national commercial, went up on The Second City Mainstage and got hired for three other corporate communications gigs paying a bunch o' cash. I saw a movie with my family, chaperoned a play with my daughter's gifted class, visited the dentist, cleaned my house, and had some guy give me his number. I won't call, but apparently I'm a lot hotter, more talented, interesting, fun, employable and productive without that 'tross around my neck.

Yipee, Kevin's dead! Oops. Did I just take that too far?

- Inda

When the Kev's Away...

2007-10-18T01:32:00.000-05:00

I'm a twit and I should have posted this before I actually went on, but I was too freakin' busy learning lines and stuff. Anyway, I was asked to understudy on the Second City Mainstage and I got to perform last night and tonight. I figured since Kevin's away in L.A., I should do something to keep busy.

It was so much fun. The cast was really kind and helpful. And I think I did a pretty kick-booty job. Maybe next time I'll post ahead of time so people have a chance to actually come out and watch the show and see just how much booty I can kick.

- Inda

Blaxploitation 2 Wins at BTAAs!

2007-10-09T10:11:00.000-05:00

Blaxploitation 2: You Know How We Deux

Written by kevINda (Kevin Douglas & Inda Craig-Galván) and Carla Stillwell, produced by MPAACT -- won 4 Black Theater Alliance Awards last night!

Best Ensemble
Best Actor in an Ensemble (Jonathan Keaton, left)
Best Actress in an Ensemble (Tamberla Perry)
Best Sound Design (Chaos and Disorder)

African-American audiences can, do and will appreciate sketch comedy when it is truly a reflection of us. That means that we're writing it, we're producing it, and we're performing in it -- to the top of our intelligence.

- kevINda

PAST, PRESENT and FUTURE kevINda

2007-10-06T17:09:00.000-05:00

Wow Inda, it's been four years. And they said it wouldn't last... kidding, no one said that. I was looking through a bunch of my kevINda stuff (as I was packing and preparing to move to L.A.) and throwing away old stuff, like old running orders and old prop lists and old sketches that were not worthy to be performed by kevINda... okay, they were just not very good. So, yeah, I'm looking and realized how much we have done. Wow. If some one had told us four years ago all the stuff kevINda would accomplish and that it would take four years to do it, man... kevINda would never have done it because Kevin and Inda four years ago were pretty lazy and unmotivated. I mean busy, busy.

The present kevINda is pretty motivated. We are seperating for a short time. I leave For L.A. in a few days and Inda and I are writing a new show so when we perform ON APRIL 14th AT STEPPENWOLF, everything will be new. Well, 93% new. Okay, 90% new. Okay, definately 50% new... okay, we'll see.

Yeah, Steppenwolf. Wow, not only are we performing there on APRIL 14TTH, but performing OUR material. Cool, eh? Inda and I are currently working on some pilots as well. That's all I will say about that, oh and here is a clip -- excuse me, SIZZLE REEL -- of one of the pilots. The show is called WITCH DOCTOR BILL and it's coming soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CLICK HERE TO VIEW SIZZLE REEL

Which brings me to future kevINda. Hm. Not sure what's going to happen. God is doing what He has been doing and I am trusting like I have been trusting, but if this year is any indication of our future, BRING IT LORD, BRING IT!!!!

- Kevin

2007-10-03T14:55:00.000-05:00

Announcing the 2007-2008 Traffic Season

A Celebration of Chicago Sketch Comedy April 14, 2008 Upstairs Theatre - $25

kevINda and Schadenfreude together present a night of political, racially-charged, racy sketch comedy to help you laugh your tax woes away. Both groups integrate social and political satire into their comedy sketches and have a few surprises planned for the audience.

What are We Doing?

2007-10-01T15:23:00.000-05:00

And what's taking so long? My favorite part is highlighted below. W wants forces to get there "as soon as possible" because he's "committed to ending the violence and providing assistance" to these people. Dang, seems like "as soon as possible" ended a long time ago. And if this is "committed," I'd hate to see what he considers to be half-assed indifference. Jinkies! If only they had oil in Darfur...

- Inda

Senegal Threatens to Withdraw Troops from Darfur

By Opheera McDoom
Mon Oct 1, 11:49 AM ET

KHARTOUM (Reuters) - Senegalese President Abdoulaye Wade said on Monday he would pull his country's troops out of Darfur if it was determined that African peacekeepers who were killed at the weekend were not equipped to defend themselves.

Twenty AU soldiers were killed or injured and 40 missing after a "deliberate and sustained" assault on the Haskanita base in Darfur on Saturday night by armed men in 30 vehicles, who looted and destroyed the base, the African Union said.

The attack, which is being blamed on rebel factions, was the worst single attack on AU forces since the 7,000-strong mission was deployed to western Sudan in 2004.

"If they died because they didn't have the arms to defend themselves, I will withdraw all the Senegalese ... I am not going to send people to be slaughtered," he said, adding he had ordered an investigation into the attack.

The AU has long complained of a lack of equipment in Darfur, including attack helicopters and rapid response vehicles. They have also said their force was too small to contain the conflict in the vast and arid region the size of France.

Senegal has one of the largest contingents in Darfur and has taken casualties in the past. Most of the infantry in Haskanita was Nigerian but military observers were from various countries.

AU spokesman Assane Ba said seven of those killed were Nigerian, one Senegalese, a Malian and one from Botswana.

"AU peacekeepers will remain in Darfur until the United Nations-African Union Hybrid Operation will be deployed," he said from AU headquarters in Ethiopia.

While AU convoys and individuals have been ambushed -- around 40 killed in the three years prior to the Haskanita attack -- this was the first time an entire base was targeted.

AU force commander Martin Luther Agwai said the mission was making contingency plans and reassessing security. But he said little more could be done without getting desperately needed additional equipment and troops into Darfur.

"People did deployment on the premise that there was an (peace) agreement and they were coming to inspect and act as observers -- there was no planning for people to be able defend themselves," Agwai said.

Experts estimate 200,000 people have died and 2.5 million driven from their homes as mostly non-Arab rebels in Darfur took up arms in early 2003 accusing the government of neglect. Khartoum mobilized mainly Arab militias to quell the revolt.

The AU mediated a peace agreement between the Sudanese government and Darfur rebels in May 2006 but only one of three rebel negotiating factions signed the deal. Since then, rebels have split into a dozen factions.

The violence, which includes militias and tribal conflicts, has severely curtailed the world's largest aid operation.

Saturday's attack casts a shadow on AU-U.N.-mediated talks due to begin in Libya on October 27. Mediators Salim Ahmed Salim and Jan Eliasson expressed "shock and dismay" at the attack.

Condemnation over the attacks came in from around the world -- from the Arab League to Washington.

White House spokeswoman Dana Perino said the violence underscored the urgency of the AU-UN mission. "Obviously what the president (George W. Bush) wants is that U.N. peacekeeping force to get there as soon as possible because we are committed to ending the violence and providing assistance to the people who are suffering there in Darfur," she said.

Suleiman Jamous, a member of the Sudan Liberation Army (SLA) Unity faction which is one of two groups accused of the attack, said if his faction was involved in the attack it was a local decision, not ordered by the leadership.

"I have asked the leadership of SLA Unity to withdraw all the troops from the area, to where they can be under the direct control of the military command," Jamous said.

SLA Unity and a breakaway faction of the Justice and Equality Movement (JEM) led by Bahr Idriss Abu Garda have forces in the Haskanita area. Other JEM commanders said Abu Garda and a SLA Unity commander had the stolen AU vehicles.

SLA Unity military chief Abu Bakr Kadu has denied his forces had attacked the AU base, saying the African troops may have been caught in the crossfire between fighting with the army.

The attack preceded a visit of "elders" to Sudan, including South African Archbishop Desmond Tutu, ex-U.S. President Jimmy Carter, veteran peace mediator Lakhdar Brahimi and women's and children's rights advocate Graca Machel.

On Monday they met Sudanese President Omar Hassan al-Bashir, but declined to discuss the 90-minute talks until the end of their trip when they meet Bashir again.

Cyberlynching

2007-09-25T08:08:00.000-05:00

You have to click on the link below to read the entire article. Basically, somebody down there is trying to get these boys and their families lynched. Insane.

- Inda

Web site targets Jena 6 families by ZDNet's ZDNet Government -- The age of cyberlynching is upon us. The FBI is looking at a white supremacist Web site that lists the addresses of the Jena 6 — or at least five of the six black youths accused by a Louisiana district attorney of beating a white classmate. The site “essentially called for their lynching,” an agency [...]

Espana

2007-09-24T17:34:00.001-05:00

I just watched the movie Volver last night. It took place in Spain.

- Inda

SPAIN!!!

2007-09-24T17:08:00.000-05:00

Hello all, I am in Spain. Barcelona, Spain, to be exact! It is cool... real cool. The women are beautiful, the people take their time, no one is fat, and I can´t hardly understand anyone. It reminds me of when I first moved to Texas -- minus the fat part.

- Kevin

Crazy X-Files Shiznit!

2007-09-18T16:27:00.000-05:00

Mon Sep 17, 11:23 PM ET

LIMA (AFP) - Villagers in southern Peru were struck by a mysterious illness after a meteorite made a fiery crash to Earth in their area, regional authorities said Monday.

Around midday Saturday, villagers were startled by an explosion and a fireball that many were convinced was an airplane crashing near their remote village, located in the high Andes department of Puno in the Desaguadero region, near the border with Bolivia.

Residents complained of headaches and vomiting brought on by a "strange odor," local health department official Jorge Lopez told Peruvian radio RPP.

Seven policemen who went to check on the reports also became ill and had to be given oxygen before being hospitalized, Lopez said.

Rescue teams and experts were dispatched to the scene, where the meteorite left a 100-foot-wide (30-meter-wide) and 20-foot-deep (six-meter-deep) crater, said local official Marco Limache.

"Boiling water started coming out of the crater and particles of rock and cinders were found nearby. Residents are very concerned," he said.

- Inda

Support for Jena 6

2007-09-17T08:16:00.000-05:00

Here are a few ways Chicagoans can support. There are two events kicking off in Chicago on Wednesday, September 19, 2007. Fernwood Methodist Church is organizing a bus ride to Jena, Louisiana, so folks can be there in person to show support for 17-year-old Mychal Bell. Saint Sabina Church is also organizing a prayer vigil at Daley Center in Chicago. Here are the details:

BUS TRIP TO JENA, LOUISIANA
3:00 P.M.
(turn-around trip)
DEPARTING FROM: Fernwood Methodist Church
10057 S. Wallace
COST: $100.00 (round trip)
Cashier's check or money order payable to Gatling's Charter, Inc.
CONTACT: Doris Lewis at 773-624-1828 or Rev. Al Sampson at 773-445-7125
SUPPORTED BY: Black People Against Police Torture, National Conference of Black Lawyers-Chicago

PRAYER VIGIL AT DALEY CENTER
7:00 P.M.
LOCATION: Daley Plaza
50 W. Washington
CONTACT: 773-483-4300
SUPPORTED BY: The Faith Community of Saint Sabina

You can also contribute by sending donations to:
Jena 6 Defense Fund
P.O. Box 2798
Jena, LA 71342

- Inda

Court Overturns Conviction in Jena Beating

2007-09-14T18:21:00.000-05:00

Judges rule teen should not have been tried as adult in racially tinged case

JENA, La. - A state appeals court on Friday threw out the only remaining conviction against one of the black teenagers accused in the beating of a white schoolmate in the racially tense Louisiana town of Jena.

Mychal Bell, 17, should not have been tried as an adult, the state 3rd Circuit Court of Appeal said in tossing his conviction on aggravated battery, for which he was to have been sentenced Thursday. His conspiracy conviction in the December beating of student Justin Barker was already thrown out by another court.

Bell, who was 16 at the time of the beating, and four others were originally charged with attempted second-degree murder. Those charges brought widespread criticism that blacks were being treated more harshly than whites following racial altercations involving Jena High.

Bell's original conviction, which was for aggravated second-degree battery and conspiracy to commit aggravated second-degree battery, could have led to a sentence of more than 20 years.

Civil rights leaders, including the Revs. Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton, had been planning a rally in support of the teens for the day Bell was to have been sentenced.

Teenagers can be tried as adults in Louisiana for some violent crimes, including attempted murder, but aggravated battery is not one of those crimes, the court said.

Defense lawyers had argued that the aggravated battery case should not have been tried in adult court once the attempted murder charge was reduced.

The case "remains exclusively in juvenile court," the Third Circuit ruled.

- Inda

Jena 6 & Black Woman Kidnapped, Tortured and Sexually Assaulted (while being called the N-word)

2007-09-14T10:12:00.000-05:00

Just when I am thinking, "All white people are cool," or "Maybe racism is going away." More on this later.

I had writers block y'all, but now kevINda has a whole new show... it's all in my head, but when it gets on paper, it's OVER!!!!

For the White people that are setting back your race, thank you for the material. No, don't even say it. Michael Vick doesn't even compare.

- Kevin

Child Fu*ker - Part 2

2007-09-08T13:13:00.000-05:00

Yes, that is kevINda's Kevin Douglas (credited as Kevin Douglass, because you know how we deux and, apparently, proofreading is only for White people) in the Trapped in the Closet video as "Chuck's Mouth."

We have principles, but sometimes they get trumped by the need to pay the rent.

- Inda

CHILD FU*KER!

2007-09-07T16:32:00.000-05:00

R. Kelly's trial for having sex with and pissing on a child while videotaping the acts has been delayed yet again. Oh, that's right, we're supposed to front and call it a child pornography case. Because as bad as child pornography sounds, it still gives some distance and doesn't sound quite as bad as PISSING ON A CHILD AND FU*KING THE CHILD WHILE VIDEOTAPING YOURSELF PISSING ON AND FU*KING A CHILD. So that's what we'll call it. Child pornography.

This time it's the prosecution's side. It happened (allegedly... we're supposed to front and say that, right?) in 2002 and dude's been making money and records and those ridonkulous (as in stupid -- as in bad -- it's not slang anymore, people, I mean they're HORRIBLE) Trapped in the Closet videos and this thing still hasn't gone to trial. We're all trapped.

And don't ya dare say that we're supposed to support the brotha because he's a brotha. I don't care if he's Black Jesus -- if he pisses on a child and has sex with the child, he's not worth support. I can't even make any jokes about it. Probably because I have kids. Not as old as the one in question. And the scary thing is that at 10, my daughter probably has better judgment than that girl did. But he was a full-grown man. And wrong is wrong. And none of that b.s. about innocent until proven guilty. I live in the Chi. Or the suburbs thereof. Everybody who's been here for any length of time can attest to his affinity for the youngens. And everybody who's dared watch the tape... ooh, I'm just getting myself all worked up. Where's the funny?

- Inda

Entourage Season Finale

2007-09-02T21:21:00.000-05:00

Here's what happens in my season finale of Entourage, the one that plays in my head, because I'm so sick of those rich-ass, lazy, misogynistic, unaffected assholes:

1. Medellin sucks at Cannes.
2. Back in LA, Ari's wife leaves him.
3. Billy finds the bullets and goes on a murder/suicide spree, killing his girlfriend and then himself.
4. Turtle smokes some PCP-laced weed and crashes his (oops, I mean Vince's) car.
5. E, in the meantime, has taken the wrong plane back from France and ends up in Darfur. Nuff said.
6. Turtle just so happened to have had naked photos in the car at the time of his crash. They were of his "female Turtle" girlfriend (whatever happened to her?... oh, that's right, it was a real storyline) and turns out she's underage. Now some big, lonely prisoner is yelling, "Oh, Turtle!"
7. Drama... Drama doesn't bother me, actually, so he goes to work and does his job. There.
8. Vince finds out he's HIV positive. 'Cuz he's a whore.
9. LLOYD STARTS HIS OWN BOUTIQUE AGENCY AND HE'S A HUGE SUCCESS!

- Inda

I believe the children are our future...especially this one.

2007-08-29T16:17:00.000-05:00

"Some people out there in our nation don't have maps. And I believe that our education like such as South Africa and the Iraq everywhere like such as and I believe that they should, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future." - Miss Teen South Carolina, Lauren Caitlin Upton.

Damn. At least she's white. Don't be offended, lovely white fans of kevINda. It's just that it seems every time somebody does or says something stupid -- I mean ignorant-dumb-do-you-really-believe-it's-okay-to-fight-dogs-and-beat-up-strippers stupid -- it's usually on of us! It's refreshing to see whitey do something stupid, too.

- Inda

kevINda at Chicago SketchFest KickOff Party!

2007-08-07T17:17:00.000-05:00

Chicago SketchFest KickOff Party Tickets Now on Sale!

Tickets Now on Sale

Monday, August 27th, the Chicago Sketch Comedy Festival will host their annual kick-off party and fundraiser, beginning at 7:00 p.m. You'll mix and mingle at the Theatre Building Chicago, 1225 W. Belmont Avenue, right here in Chicago. Tickets can be purchased for $20 dollars in advance at www.chicagosketchfest.com or at the door for $25.

Outrageous auction items - Comedy Classes, Lotsa Theater Tickets from Steppenwolf to Lookingglass to Victory Gardens, Day Spas, Whirlyball, Second City, Old Town School of Folk, iO, Comedy Sportz; and many more treats!

Sketch comedy performances by local troupes: The Cool Table, kevINda, Old!, Maui and more. And a viewing of the mini-documentary of last year's 2007 SketchFest.

Bring on the sketch comedy fans! Bring on the potential and past performers! Monday Night Funny. August 27th. Mark your calendars. All proceeds support SketchFest 2008 to keep ticket prices low!

The Chicago Sketch Comedy Festival is the largest sketch comedy festival in the nation. The upcoming Chicago SketchFest celebrates their 7th year anniversary. Scheduled for January 3rd - 13th, 2008, the event plans to showcase 100 sketch comedy groups from around the world, performing 125 shows in 8 days. In addition to performances, the event will feature workshops, networking opportunities and other special events.

For any questions or further information contact Jill Valentine at jill@chicagosketchfest.net or (773) 539-4596.

- Inda

10 Black Theater Alliance Award Noms!

2007-08-06T17:08:00.001-05:00

Blaxploitation 2: You Know How We Deux, written by Inda Craig-Galván, Kevin Douglas and Carla Stillwell, has received 10 Black Theater Alliance Nominations. One is for Best Writing. Yay, kevINda. And Carla. Maybe we should call ourselves kevINdaCaRLaohneverminD.

- Inda

Kevin Douglas Worldwide

2007-08-03T08:40:00.000-05:00

Kevin's featured in an article in today's Chicago Sun-Times by Hedy Weiss about up-and-coming actors. Here is part of it.

Four cast
See tomorrow's stars today as these budding Chicago actors shine

August 3, 2007 BY HEDY WEISS Theater Critic

They are all young -- in their 20s or early 30s -- and not only have they amassed a number of impressive stage credits but they have demonstrated exceptional versatility and polish in recent productions.

What's more, each of the four actors profiled here possesses a certain indefinable quality -- something that stamps them as special when they are onstage but also suggests they are interesting people in real life, too.

So here is a critic's quartet of fresh faces well worth keeping an eye on.

KEVIN DOUGLAS IN "LOOKINGGLASS ALICE"

These days, Kevin Douglas spends his time in Wonderland, shapeshifting from one strange character to another in Lookingglass Theatre's "Lookingglass Alice." Not incidentally, in his climactic turn as Humpty Dumpty, he also is jettisoned from a 12-foot-high ladder that sends him nose-diving into a small trap-door opening where his landing is padded by a big bag stuffed with sponges. It leaves the audience gasping.

"There's someone down there to watch and make sure I'm alive," says the actor, with a dry chuckle.

"When I took the role, I watched a video of Doug Hara [the original Humpty] doing the fall," Douglas recalled. "Then I flew out to Philadelphia to see Doug do it live and I thought: 'Wow, what have I gotten myself into?' There are some secrets, but mostly you've got to be sure to keep your head down."

Small, fleet and impossibly graceful, Douglas, 32, first flashed on my radar when he played multiple roles -- most notably a brilliant, motor-mouthed ventriloquist's dummy -- in Lookingglass' production of "Black Diamond," about the recent brutal wars in Liberia. Channeling presidents (both the Bushes and Clinton), he spoke and moved with astonishing speed and dexterity.

"As a kid, I watched a lot of cartoons and sitcoms on TV," he said, explaining his gift for voices.

Born in Toronto, he moved to Texas at age 10 and arrived in Chicago 11 years ago to attend DePaul University's Theatre School. A member of MPAACT, the black theater company with which he has performed seven shows ("I wouldn't be who I am now without that company," he said), he also studied at the Second City Training Center and is one half of a comedy duo, kevINda, with partner Inda Craig-Galvan. And it is sketch comedy that might well be the key to his future.

"We got a great response this past February at the HBO Comedy Arts Festival in Aspen, and the question we kept getting was: 'So, when are you moving out to L.A.?' My dream is to one day write my own TV show, and unfortunately those opportunities are just not available in Chicago. For the past three years, every time I tried to leave, something kept me here. But this time, I'm determined to head out west in October."

"Of course, I'll come back to Chicago," said Douglas. "I want to be able to do both kinds of work."

His theater dream? "I'd like to do a play where I am one character all the way through; I've been playing a lot of multiples recently."

"Lookingglass Alice" runs through Aug. 26 at the Lookingglass Theatre Water Tower Water Works, 821 N. Michigan. Call (312) 337-0665.

hweiss@suntimes.com

- Inda

Oh, Kunta!

2007-07-25T21:26:00.000-05:00

This was in Sunday's Chicago Tribune:

Aid workers in the Horn of Africa were stunned recently when most of roughly 4,000 refugees in war-torn Eritrea who were offered resettlement to the United States declined. Why? Local rebels who depend on the tribesmen for recruits and war taxes had been showing old episodes of "Roots" to the refugees to convince them that slavery awaits them in America. Most of the refugees duped by the rebels won't get a second chance at entering the U.S.

- Inda

Transformers... More Than Meets The Eye?

2007-07-21T07:30:00.000-05:00

Before I comment on Transformers, did you hear they buried the N-Word in Detroit? Yeah, the NAACP did like a symbolic funeral for the word... too much funny with that. My head is gonna explode with the amount of funny that brings. Anyway, while the NAACP is moving our race forward. Hollywood is SETTING it back:

"How, Kevin?" you might ask. Transformers. Ah, it was okay. I mean, I wish there were more Transformers and less Anthony Anderson. He played the comic relief. Black people playing scared in films is a lot funnier than White people playing scared in films. And Anthony Anderson is real good at it, check his bio on IMDB.com. He plays the scared N-Word in a lot of his movies. He has down to a science. He is The Scared Negro Master. He was pretty unnecessary in the film though. Well, alot of things were unnecessary in that film, like the twenty-minute scene with the Transformers hiding in the backyard. Yeah, ridiculous. Michael Bay, two hours and forty minutes, really? I could have knocked that movie out in an hour twenty. If Michael Bay put as much effort in to script detail as he did in showing the curves on the hot actress playing the love interest, the movie would have been awesome. Loved the Transformers as a child and even in the film, but the love story -- though the girl was hot -- was unnecessary. Oh, and back to Hollywood setting back the race (as if the Anthony Anderson stuff were not enough), I liked the African-American Transformer JAZZ, I liked that his first line was, "What's up Bitches!" and that he had an urban dialect to show that he was black. But I really knew he was black when they killed him. Yes, the only GOOD transformer they killed was the Black one.

Well, at least we buried the N-WORD; that's a step forward.

- Kevin

SketchFestNYC + A Wrap on the Rap

2007-06-08T10:28:00.000-05:00

We're in New York! We perform Saturday at 7pm on a double bill with Becky & Noelle. They are fantastic. We saw some mediocre sketch in LA last weekend, and it's groups like B & N that make me like sketch again. They do interesting things that inspire me to do new stuff with our work. When you watch them it is watching art. It is theatre. It's not just some kids who think they're funny improvisers who've decided to lock in some of their bits and throw it up without much more thought or rewrites. You can see the time and care and point of view in their work. Same for All American Push Up Party. I'm so glad we got to see them both perform in Seattle, because we're not able to actually watch them this weekend. But we will get a chance to see most of the Friday night groups and the groups that perform Saturday night after our set and we can't wait. SketchFestNYC seems to have gathered the best around and it's exciting to see all these groups who really do it well.

About the mediocre sketch we saw in LA... here is my plea to White sketch groups: PLEASE, I BEG OF YOU, DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES RAP AS A SKETCH FOR THE SAKE OF RAPPING AS A SKETCH. DON'T RAP LIVE ON STAGE. DON'T DO A VIDEO OF YOUR GROUP RAPPING. PLEASE. IT ISN'T ORIGINAL. IT ISN'T FUNNY. IT DOESN'T MOVE THE ART FORWARD. PLEASE STOP. NOW. (This message does not apply if you are Adventure Club and only if you are Adventure Club. Please continue doing what you do because it is brilliant.)

Anyway, can't wait to perform, glad for this opportunity, and can't wait to once again get back home to the Chi and write some more.

- Inda

Funny or Die!

2007-06-07T19:07:00.001-05:00

We finally shot some videos and just last night they were put up on funnyordie.com and already over 100 people have watched each one. How'd they find them? Weird. Better question: Why haven't you? Go to www.funnyordie.com and enter search words: "background" for one and "bay furniture" for the second video. (For some reason entering a search for "kevINda" doesn't net any results.) And please feel free to comment.

- Inda

AKON VS. IMUS

2007-05-21T13:10:00.000-05:00

Hello, I am the Internet.

After years... decades of information constantly being shoved into me as if I were Jenna Jameson, I have decided to change things. I now have a mind of my own. Today’s topic comes from CNN and The View, among others. The topic today is AKON vs. IMUS.

Akon was caught on tape dancing, or having simulated sex, as The View and CNN called it. He was doing this with a minor. Simulating sex with a minor on stage. She was 15 years old. Akon did not know she was a minor. She was also a minister’s daughter. Akon did not have that information either. The fact that she is a minister’s daughter says more about the minister and his church, clearly he should have been MINISTERING to his daughter. I have seen many of these R&B concerts where the women voluntarily walk on stage. Many of them BEG to get on stage. And in none of these images and/or videos has the artist checked for ID or asked whether the woman is the daughter of a minister. If you are going to attack Akon, you should attack ALL OF R&B.

CNN compared this incident to the Don Imus incident. CNN has a lot of competition and a lot of time on their hands. Why they would waste resources, time and energy on this is beyond even me, The Internet. Clearly they are stretching for this one. Imus is an old White man. There is a reason they broadcast him so early in the morning.

The View has gone as far as saying that the “simulated sex” is rape because the girl was a minor... did I mention that Akon did not know or check ID? With that type of thinking, eye contact with a minor should also be grounds for arrest. We can call it “simulated molestation.” The View -- like most media -- knows what they are doing and what they are putting out there. They know their influence. The people, especially the simple-minded, are being used to try and destroy Akon’s career. The View is put on as early as it is because 90 percent of morning television viewers are women. So ABC is smart for playing to them with a female-dominated show. Now, if The View could hire the same person who found that statistic, the show would have subject matter worth watching. The young blonde should not be on the show. I don’t know her name because she does not matter. I don’t understand her purpose except for possibly eye candy and/or comic relief. Babara Walters is the only one that had a career worth talking about before The View. But I digress.

IMUS vs. AKON
Imus old White man. Akon young talented Black man.
Akon gets paid to be sexy and sing and sell albums. That is why everyone knows him.
Imus called a bunch of niggas nappy headed hoes and jigaboos.
[Side note I can use that word because as The Internet. I am all things, including Black.]
Everyone is running out to buy Akon’s album.
No one is running out to buy Imus paraphernalia.

As The Internet, I will leave you with a helpful hint: Attacking Akon will get you no where, but it will get him more record sales and/or publicity. The people that should be attacked are his record label, and all other R&B labels and/or producers. This will never work because everyone reading this owns an R&B album or at least likes an R&B artist.

AKON vs. IMUS
Simulated sex has been around for decades, but racism has been around for centuries. This society needs and wants sex. Racism, not so much.

Sincerely,

The Internet

- or Kevin

My Hero

2007-05-15T12:58:00.000-05:00

There is a song book of Kirk Franklin music on the shelf at my kids' music school. The cover features a huge close-up of his face and the title, "Hero." Now, maybe the title and the songs within are all about God and Jesus, I'd hope, but the cover made it look like it's all about Kirk "I'm going on Oprah to air my dirty porn addiction laundry and sell my CD which coincidentally drops this week" Franklin.

You know who my hero is? Hiro. From Heroes. He's my hero. And Mia Farrow.

- Inda

I'm In Love

2007-05-14T21:37:00.000-05:00

I officially LOVE Mia Farrow... and Rick Reilly. Check out this week's SI on all she's doing to pressure China (host of the 2008 Olympics and Darfur's biggest financier) to "face up to its role in the genocide being carried out by Arab militia groups in the Darfur region of Sudan, where an estimated 400,000 non-Arab Africans have been slaughtered and another two million have been made refugees."

dreamfordarfur.org
Mia Farrow
Sports Illustrated

- Inda

Mother's Day

2007-05-13T12:39:00.000-05:00

Am I a MILF, or what?!

I'm Moving!

2007-05-07T19:31:00.000-05:00

Gas is only .25 a gallon in Saudi Arabia. I am so outta here! As soon as I find a Saudi sugar daddy...

- Inda

It's Been A Week... Seems Longer

2007-05-06T12:18:00.000-05:00

Hello everyone! Man, it is difficult being a SUPERSTAR. Let me tell you because many MANY of you will NEVER experience it. I mean, I have talked to the rich, given money to the poor, interviews galore, magazines, newspapers, TV AND radio interviews... coming soon, I'm sure... and not to mention the women!! I wish I had a stick to beat them off with but in the mean time I will just let them beat... nevermind. I have not seen Inda in like a week, but it seems like more. I wonder if I should tell her that I need time apart to pursue FILMS now or when we are shooting material for our little sketch group? So many people to screw (over) and so little time. Kevin "Superstar" Douglas. Actually, I have gotten a nickname from a few of my fans. "Kevin Worldwide," which I like because, well, that is what I will be -- WORLDWIDE!!!! I have stopped talking to the little people and the people that THINK they helped get me where I am. Well, everyone except INDA. Must let her down easy. Maybe I will have my publicist do it... ah yes, great idea! That's what they do, I think.

Who was that guy? That is the Kevin that I hope to never become. But if I do, sorry in advance and get over it! But what a funny Kevin that would be, eh? And annoying.

Inda and I are getting ready for Sketch Fest NY!!!! Among other things.

I saw Celisa and Nicole: Shuckin' and Jivin' on Friday night. A new BLACK female sketch comedy duo. It was good! Big ups to them! Please check out their show. I believe next Friday at 10:30 p.m. is their last show at Donny's Skybox. www.SecondCity.com for more info. It was their debut as a duo. It brought me back to the days of kevINda's world premiere on that very stage. The blood the sweat the tears the amount of money it takes to keep a sketch group together, the amount of material you have to write, the amount of marketing you have to do... I am depressed now. "I quit you, Inda, I quit you!!!!!" Jokes. Really, here is my advice to the groups starting out: make sure you make it about the work and not ego, and have a point of view, oh, and take breaks from each other, distance makes the group grow better. 'Cause I miss kevINda and my Inda 'cause we ain't done the show in a minute and I have been doin' this straight theatre and after watching the show Friday night it made me thirsty to do some sketch!!!! kevInda is back my N-WORDS!!!!!!!!

- Kevin

(the first kevINda show
at Donny's Skybox
-- 3 years ago)

1 + 1 = ?

2007-05-05T12:39:00.000-05:00

So, Thursday was the South Cook County Math Bowl. And my son is a "mathlete." He was one of two 1st graders representing his school district. My daughter was an "alternate mathlete." If, say, one of the 4th graders from her district had been run over by a bus or was suddenly stricken by the plague, she would have moved up to "mathlete" status. That didn't happen. Dangit.

We gave our son the, "We're proud of you just for being selected" speech, figuring that he'd lose. Gotta be prepared, right? He lost. Yay, preparedness.

The three school districts that swept the Bowl were all in White suburbs. I had to ask myself: Are the White kids smarter? and What are they teaching their kids that our kids aren't learning? My two darlings are both at the head of their classes, and they both participate in all the gifted programs. But apparently, "gifted" is the norm in the White school districts. What we see as a special program is the everyday program for them. That sucks. So a better question to ask is this: Why aren't our kids being pushed more?

It is my theory that just because you call a curriculum "4th Grade Math," that doesn't mean diddly to the kids. They're going to either keep up or they won't. Give them a 5th grade math curriculum and those same kids are either going to keep up or they won't. But you've got to keep pushing them. I'm completely convinced that those little White kids in the more affluent school districts have a higher grade level curriculum than the little Colored children in our district. I'm also completely convinced that those kids aren't necessarily smarter just because they're White. They aren't smarter. It just looks that way because the grown-ups running their schools ARE smarter. They're pushing the kids and teaching them beyond what our kids are learning and they sweep the Math Bowl and the Spelling Bee and the Life Bowl. They're better prepared for high school and college and life. (Thus, the Life Bowl.) Fuck this No Child Left Behind crap! All of our kids are behind. And I don't believe it's because their districts have more money to spend. It's a matter of what you choose to spend the budget on and how much credit you give the kids for what they can handle. And what you expect of them. Expect more! Push farther! Or move to a White neighborhood.

- Inda

Success Will Change You

2007-05-04T08:43:00.000-05:00

So, as you may know, Kevin has been getting all this great press and feedback from his "star" turn in Black Diamond at Lookingglass Theatre in Chicago. Not only have I not seen him in over a week (whaddupwiddat?), but he's gone and changed his outgoing voicemail message on his cell phone. Next thing you know, we'll be fighting over creative differences and starting new groups with other people and he'll be getting married in La Crosse. What? Nevermind. Kevin and I are fine. I think. Kidding. We're getting some material shot and edited in the next two weeks to add some funky videos to our live show. Chef of the future, and all. It's gonna be hot. I really haven't seen him in over a week, but this picture is my computer screensaver, so it's as if he were here all the freakin' time. Man, I kinda wish he'd go away. Again with the kidding.

- Inda

For the Love of Paul

2007-04-27T10:32:00.000-05:00

I'm on my way to La Crosse, Wisconsin, to attend the wedding of one of my friends. I cannot begin to tell you how much I'm looking forward to driving in my Suzuki Forenza with a 10-year-old and a 7-year-old, plus my husband who has an uncomfortable UTI (look it up for yourself), for five hours. Then, because teleportation hasn't been invented yet, we get to drive back on Sunday. For another five hours. I hope my friend Paul knows just how much I freakin' love him.

He said, "your presence is our present." Of course, I was like, "No, no, no. We're getting you a gift. Where are you registered?" But then he was like, "We're registered for a bunch of stuff we don't really need. Please, just come to the wedding. That's enough of a gift." So, I compromised. Gift card!

A gift card that, after a 10-hour car trip, may just be staying in my wallet. I love you, Paul. But I also love Linens n Things. And it's only a 10-minute drive.

- Inda

Shhh... we're trying to help you.

2007-04-24T12:42:00.000-05:00

I was reading a fascinating article this week in the Chicago Tribune about how Senegal has one of the lowest concentrations of HIV-infected adults on the continent of Africa. This is partially due to the fact that Senegal is a predominantly Muslim nation (they don't drink -- and we all know that drunk sex = stupid sex; they don't allow the kiddies to socialize; they actually have some morals.) This is also due in great part to the fact that Senegal has adopted a comprehensive sex education program in their schools. As early as 1st grade, children are give AIDS awareness training, and at age 12 they begin sex education. The imams, of course, do not teach condom usage in the mosques, but they can and do discuss HIV and AIDS outside of the mosques as well as refer people to the local clinics and doctors who can have these discussions more openly, without violating Islamic laws. One imam who was interviewed for the article said that they treat HIV and AIDS like any other disease. BRILLIANT!

And what is OUR country doing to help the rest of Africa, you might wonder? What are we doing for the sub-Saharan nations of Africa with 25.8 million HIV-infected people? What plan of action do we have in place to help them? Never fear. Our President, in his wisdom, has just the answer. It's PEPFAR. PEPFAR is the President's Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief.

Sounds great, doesn't it?! But wait -- there's more. Or, more accurately, there's less. In order to receive PEPFAR funding, countries have to "constrain teaching about condoms in favor of abstinence-based lessons." So... in order to receive money from the U.S. for AIDS education, countries cannot talk about condoms? We will help you stop the spread of this horrific disease that is ravaging your nations, but you can't talk about the one thing that will help stop the spread of this horrific diesease. What the -- ?!?!?!

- Inda

Underachievers... Yay, you!

2007-04-21T13:02:00.000-05:00

I just left my son's little league opening day baseball game. That's him in the picture. Apparently, there are a lot of parents whose kids have not accomplished much yet in life. There were parents there with video cameras. My son's seven. Yeah. Seven. If you're not familiar with this life-altering, Saturday morning event, let me break it down to you: seven-year-olds don't really do much on a baseball field. But if it's your kid's first season playing, I guess that can be monumental for you. Not.

The thing that really got me was at the opening day rally. Every player had their name in a drawing to win a $20 Best Buy or Toys-R-Us gift card. Every player. The kids didn't have to do anything special, other than their parents paid the league registration and they had to be present this morning to get the prize if their name was called. That's all. There was nothing the kids actually did in order to win. But you'd have thought that these little crites had discovered a cure for cancer the way their overzealous parents were cheering for them when they won a freakin' gift card. "Yeah, Jumoja! You go, boy!" "That's right, Durantaaayye!" "Do that thing, Aquinettaclaymationrojofunjali Jenkins! That's my baby!" Did I mention that the kids didn't do a damn thing?!?!?!

Now, I know I'm a proud mama, but my kids give me reason to be: first place in Science Fair (two years in a row), third place in Math Bowl Competition, one year ahead in math classes with staight A's (two years in a row), Principal's Honors Roll -- that's straight A's in all subjects (three years in a row), third place in Spelling Bee, blue belt in karate, and you should hear the kids play piano and guitar. And still, you don't see me shouting from the rafters.

Parents, expect more for your children. Don't get so damn excited when they don't do shiznit. Praise their academics instead of falling out like Arsenio Hall when they dance for company at the Fourth of July barbeque. And make 'em lay off the sugar. I digress, but it's still important. Maybe little Kujicountchocula won't grow up to be a rocket scientist or lead the field of oncology, but he/she may just give you more than a single to first and a trip to Toys-R-Us.

- Inda

April Fool

2007-04-20T08:57:00.000-05:00

Here's a picture of my kids last week, making their April snowman. Ah, Chicago. Can't wait to leave. Did I mention that this was in April? It snowed all that day. Last week. In April!

But the kids look happy. And it got them outside of the house. They had been cooped up because it was so cold that week. And why were they home, you might ask, and not in school? Because they were on Spring Break! Insane!!

- Inda

Getting There

2007-04-19T20:17:00.000-05:00

Dangit, I just want to get to L.A., remind everybody why they loved us in Aspen, and get to working. Or at least go to the beach. We've actually got some things set up for when we go in June, just before or just after the Sketchfest New York. Come on, fame and fortune. Not that I'm only doing this work for fame or for fortune. Heck no. It's the art. It's the awesome relationship I have with my Kevin. It's knowing that we've created something that is needed and wanted in our community. It's all those things. But, let's face it, Mama's gotta pay for her implants.

- Inda

True Star Material

2007-04-18T09:47:00.000-05:00

Here's an excerpt from a recent review of Black Diamond, playing at Lookingglass Theatre in Chicago. It's about my Kevin.

" ...Kevin Douglas ... comes close to stealing the show. Faster than the speed of light in his verbal and physical acrobatics, he is electrifying -- true star material." Hedy Weiss, Chicago Sun-Times.

WHAT!?! It's absolutely true. The Chicago Tribune's Chris Jones totally slept on Kevin in his review. But the cream always rises. Yay, Kevin!

- Inda

Black Diamond

2007-04-17T09:22:00.000-05:00

It's Tech week!!!!! I am in a show at Lookingglass Theatre Company called Black Diamond. AND it is awesome!! I have learned a lot of acrobatics and it is awesome!! There is fighting and climbing and near raping, and death, guns, and gunshots and it all takes place in a little red-headed stepchild place called Liberia. Yes, that is where ex-slaves and other Blacks were sent way back when and now the U.S. barely claims it. That country is the most American and again the U.S. does not really claim it... I mean they claim it but it's kinda like, "Yeah he's my brother BUT only by marriage. I mean, we see each other at reunions, but we don't really talk-talk... " Same thing. But I have learned a lot about the country and its politics. I do a great Liberian accent, if i do say so myself. Man, this show is something and the cast is great and the people at Lookingglass are awesome! Did I tell you I learned to climb down a rope from twenty feet UPSIDE DOWN!!!! And I get to do something else pretty special from twenty feet BUT you have to see the show. I will give you a hint... Tom Cruise did it in one of his movies... no, Inda, it's not being gay! Though that can be done at any height... I imagine. I mean, I don't imagine being gay-- never mind.

Closed Blaxploitation 2: You Know How We Deux!!!! I was actually sad. The cast was awesome and the show was great -- better than the first!! Audience members came back like two and three times. People are talkin' about us doing a third one. Man, I don't know. This one was stressful and my plate is full and I'm tired. Yeah, I probably will do another one, but I got other stuff I wanna write.

Aspen was great. Be in L.A. soon. Inda was kind of worried and me a little bit that people in L.A. would forget us but, honestly, how can they forget us? We are funny, smart, and BLACK!!! Now if it was the Funny Smart Black Festival, hell yeah, be worried, but it wasn't. It was a comedy festival. A BIG ONE, TOO!!! It went well and we are where we are supposed to be and most importantly we worked really hard to get where we are. And again, I have said this before (hence "again"), God's got it.

- Kevin

I love you both!

2007-03-09T19:06:00.000-06:00

I love my new boobies. Both of them. Thanks for asking.

- Inda

Almost Forgot...

2007-03-06T22:56:00.000-06:00

My boob job is tomorrow morning! How exciting. Has nothing to do with acting or sketch or kevINda. Just thought I'd share.

- Inda

Coming Down

2007-03-06T22:50:00.000-06:00

Man, I'm still coming down off of the Aspen high. I didn't even shower yesterday until, like, 4 in the afternoon. I don't think Kevin's showered yet. Kidding. He started rehearsals today for Black Diamond at Lookingglass here in Chicago. And I had a pilot audition (thank you, God and Aspen) this afternoon. Still hard to get back into a routine after lounging and performing and seeing shows all week. What? The cat box needs cleaning? The children are hungry? Whatevs. Where's my damn lobster?!

- Inda

kevINda in Hollywood Reporter

2007-03-05T13:02:00.000-06:00

Check out this week's Hollywood Reporter for a mention (two, actually) of kevINda in their section dedicated to the HBO US Comedy Arts Festival.

- Inda

Aspen Post Review

2007-03-05T13:00:00.000-06:00

Aspen Post

March 1st, 2007 at 05:09pm

Last night I checked out the HBO Comedy Arts Festival and the laughter was abundant in the tent when "Windy City Sketch" took the stage. This featured event showcases Chicago improv groups.

From there we were introduced to the comic stylings of "kevINda" where the introduction was shocking, explosive and downright funny. Their genius lies in their political satire and their ability to embody characters we all know. My favorites included the "Coffee Shop" girls and the reading of "Curious George" a book that will never be read the same...

Aspen - Last Day

2007-03-04T10:14:00.000-06:00

Marshall's heading to the airport. Kevin's getting breakfast. I'm packing.

We had a great sushi dinner last night and a bottle of wine. Rolling like grown-ups. Then Kevin and Marshall attended the wrap party and who knows what else. I was asleep. That's what happens when you take an old lady 8,000 ft. above sea level and give her too much excitement.

What's next? Kevin begins rehearsals for Black Diamond tomorrow with Lookingglass Theatre Company in Chicago. Marshall goes back to LA to work with Competitive Awesome. And the old lady will get back to her real life. Oh, my daughter just bought a fish yesterday. The fish's name is Penelope. That's what's real.

- Inda

Aspen Day Five

2007-03-03T23:28:00.000-06:00

Well, it's over. Pretty much. We performed our last show today. We attended the awards party (big ups to Summer of Tears) hosted by Jamie Kennedy (who still looked sleepy) and a Baldwin. Think it was Billy. Wasn't Alec. Definitely wasn't Daniel. And I've quit acting... again. Here's a backstage picture with Peter Grosz and Pat O'Brien (Misled). The lesson in all of this -- you should've chosen the ham.

We saw No Child with Nilaja Sun, then Marshall and I had excellent sushi for dinner. Now we're contemplating seeing Katt Williams' show tonight, if we can get in. But it's cold outside and it's so warm in our hotel rooms. And, I have the Pimp Chronicles recorded on my DVR. Brrrr... winter weather and the sleepies do not make for ideal going-out conditions. We're also trying to get into the Greenberg party. Should be swanky. Ah, but the sleepies. You know what it is... the itis has set in. Should we fight the stereotype and go out or give in to our true natures and get up in that bed and get to snoring? Guess you'll have to check tomorrow's blog to learn the outcome...

- Inda

Plum TV Interview

2007-03-03T12:41:00.000-06:00

8:50 a.m. -- We were interviewed for Plum TV here in Aspen. It went well. I don't get good reception in my hotel room, so I'll never see it, but there's always the memories. And the photo.

On the way out of the interview we met the JibJab guys and Jamie Kennedy. He looked sleepy.

We have our last show at 1:30 p.m. today, then it's one long party.

Aspen Day Four -- Moist Party

2007-03-03T04:42:00.000-06:00

We had a HUGE audience tonight. HUGE. Great show!

The ladies from Moist invited us back to their condo for a get-together afterward. Best guacamole ever! That's Will Greenberg (Summer of Tears) and Pat O'Brien (Misled) at the condo. Will does an amazing Matthew McConaughey impersonation, by the way. If you ever meet him, make sure the first thing you say to him is, "Hey, it's the McConaughey guy." He loves that!

After the Moist social, Kevin and I went to the Sierra Mist Lounge and drank and ping-ponged and mingled. Yes, I finally decided to be "approachable" (thanks, Tam) and talked to people. Turned out there were lots of people there who had seen our show and really liked it. We made our first industry contacts and it turned out that they really liked our show as well. See, all that crying this morning was for nothing, Kevin.

Before we left the Lounge, Katt Williams and his people walked in. He has this gigantic bodyguard and the sea of people just parted to let them through. Kevin and I gave a look-there's-another-Black-person-head-nod and moved out of their way. Turned out, they were heading for us intentionally. Katt had heard and read about us and our show, and he was coming over to introduce himself. He said he's coming to see our final show tomorrow and wanted to be put on a list. List?! Dude is the closing special event of the Festival and he's trying to get put on a list to see kevINda?!!! Has the world gone mad? Indeed.

We have a local TV interview in the morning and I'm sleepy... so read, enjoy, and we'll let you know how our final days in Aspen go.

- Inda

Brendan Hunt @ the Moist condo.

2007-03-03T04:41:00.000-06:00

Summer of Tears

2007-03-03T04:39:00.000-06:00

What's up with the double chin, Inda? Too much lobster? Apparently.

Anyway, this was at Moist's after show party at their condo.

Aspen Day Four

2007-03-02T10:13:00.000-06:00

I got a scary phone call at 8:25 this morning from an HBO staff person asking where we were since we had an 8:20 a.m. TV interview. The interview is actually scheduled for Saturday morning, and he had been misinformed. Whew! I thought I'd slept through an entire day after all those Sierra Mist cocktails last night.

We saw five different shows yesterday! Good grief, that's a lot of funny. I'm up to here (you can only imagine where I'm holding my hand) with comedy. Most of it was hilarious. Especially loved Summer of Tears, Brendan Hunt: Five Years in Amsterdam, Hari Kondabolu (pictured) and Jonathan Coulton.

We have a show tonight so we're off to put postcards at all the venues to make sure people remember our faces and show up. We'll be doing that just as soon as Kevin and Marshall wake up from their Mist-induced comas. I hope they didn't do anything dangerous last night after I went to bed and they went off to another after party. They're big boys. They can take care of themselves. But if one more local White chick sneaks into a private party, shaking her booty, trying to get a little Black strange from one of my boys, I'm going ghetto.

- Inda

Aspen Day Three... Cont'd

2007-03-02T10:08:00.000-06:00

Most importantly, Aspen Day Three is my son Matthew's birthday. Happy Birthday, Matthew!

- Inda

At Tech with Marshall

2007-03-01T11:47:00.000-06:00

VH1 After Party with Lavell Crawford

2007-03-01T11:46:00.000-06:00

At Tech with Moist

2007-03-01T11:45:00.000-06:00

Aspen Day Three

2007-03-01T11:32:00.000-06:00

Our first show was last night and it was awesome! We had so much fun. And the lobster lunch was rock star. This is white guy who approached Marshall to try and buy some weed. You have to understand, this dude came up to one of the only five Black people at the party (about 100 people were at the party) to buy drugs. Ah, the racial humor continues...

- Inda

Aspen Day Two... One More Thing

2007-02-28T04:08:00.000-06:00

Kevin's observation on us being the only Black people in Aspen: People look at us here in Aspen when they see us walking down the street the way you'd look at a midget.

- Kevin

"He was a good little monkey, and always very curious..."

Aspen Day Two

2007-02-28T03:58:00.000-06:00

No, the bear wasn't really eating Kevin. There are a lot of bear statues out here... in hotels, on corners, in parks. There are more bears in Aspen than colored people.

So, yesterday we walked around quite a bit. We got snowed on quite a bit. And we ate quite a bit. We picked up our "welcome packets," which included our passes. Man, that was a good feeling. When we walked in, the festival people recognized us and smiled and waved and hugged and whatnot. Of course they would recognize us -- they've had our pictures for a while now -- but it still felt kinda rock star. Even at the airport in Denver, there was someone there with an HBO sign with our names written on it -- and spelled correctly -- who was just there to make sure we walked from one gate to another to make our connecting flight. Kinda rock star.

These may seem like little things to you, but I've spent my entire life having my name misspelled, mispronounced, and just not called at all. Too much sentimentality for a kevINda blog... sorry. My point is, it felt good. And the pass even has my designation in bold letters: ARTIST. Kinda rock star.

- Inda

Aspen Day One

2007-02-27T18:11:00.000-06:00

We had to take a picture next to this truck we passed. It is the most accurate description of Aspen. We are the only Black people here. Katt Williams gets in later in the week. Then there will be four of us. And his hair stylist. That's five.

It's beautiful here. It has been snowing for about three hours. You know, those big, white fluffy flakes that you can actually catch on your tongue and they don't taste like chemicals and piss. No, not the snowflakes you find in Chicago. These are mountain flakes. They're good for you. Apparently we got into Aspen just before they cancelled all of the flights out of Denver. Whew. We walked around, carb loaded, and now Kevin's napping. The itis set in. Niggas. Niggas in Aspen.

- Inda

Going to Aspen... and other stuff

2007-02-22T08:40:00.000-06:00

6 days til ASPEN!!! Lots to do 'til then, and a lot has happened since I last blogged.

AFTRA
Became AFTRA yesterday. Finally. They gave me a file cabinet full of stuff that I hope I will read, but I will just probably ask people that have been doing it longer than myself -- I mean I will definitely read about the stuff I get for free.

Blaxploitation 2: You know How We Deux!!!
That's been going really well. It's a good show. The first half is funny and the second half is funny and hits you in the face... and people have been saying that it's funny, angry, hard. And makes you think. NIIIIIICE. The cast and crew have done a fabulous job. Come out and see it before you are one of those people that everyone says, "You didn't see Blax 2, ah shit, you missed out, what was you doin', damn, now THAT was a good show!!!" Don't wanna be that person, or the person I just quoted. I also heard that this guy saw the show and the next week he had people in town he said they wanted to see WICKED, but he said NO you got to see this! Not to say we are better than Wicked, but we are BLACKER!!!!

First Full Radio Interview
Inda and I did an interview yesterday on CRIS Radio, and it was about us and Blax and MPAACT and it was like a half-hour long. It went pretty well. We had done NPR before, but it was short. Cool, but only like five minutes. This was a half hour. We were like -- wow, what if we run out of things to talk about -- but it flies by. Man, it was quick.

Aspen
Finally, six days 'til Aspen. Got our itinerary. Our tech guy Marshall the Great is able to come, thank God. Speaking of God, man He works, He is never late but He is always on time. I am not worthy, but thank you for your grace and mercy. Excited about Aspen. We get three performances and we go second out of three groups FROM THE CHI!! CHI TOWN REPRESENT!!! YEAH YEAH!!!! I will be writing in a journal everyday if I am not drunk. Actually I will be writing in a journal EVERYDAY IF I AM DRUNK!!

All that stuff about God, and I end with that. Lord knows I am a work in progress.

- Kevin

Blaxploitation 2 Review

2007-02-20T18:46:00.000-06:00

Time Out Chicago / Issue 104: February 22–28, 2007 Review Blaxploitation 2: You Know How We Deux

MPAACT at Victory Gardens Greenhouse. By Inda Craig-Galvan, Kevin Douglas, Carla Stillwell. Dir. Terry Cullers. With ensemble cast.

Shepsu Aakhu’s backdrop of blackface images, recreated from turn-of-the-20th-century advertisements, sets the tone. The second round of comedy sketches from the team behind Blaxploitation: The Remix visits the expected themes, but with a heavy emphasis on internalized racism—the ways in which old-time minstrel show stereotypes have been incorporated into modern African-American culture. There are indictments of BET and reality television, and there’s plenty of material about the black community holding itself back by supporting the wrong elements. The enemy these days, the authors seem to be saying, is more often ourselves than The Man. One extended bit has spin doctors touting a politician named Doger (hint: rhymes with Stroger) insisting that he’s fit to hold office even after an accident leaves nothing of him but his big toe. Another finds a hypocritical DJ caught on tape buying crack at the Bud Billiken parade, and the caller who condemns him is vilified as a race-hating lesbian for not “supporting our folks.”

Not all of the material is so on-the-nose; some sketches are more abstract, like the woman who’s afraid her man is “on the down-low” and wishes she’d been right when he turns out instead to be a “plushophile.” The six performers are engaging and almost frighteningly committed, but when the material goes over the top, it’s unnerving. Sure, we’re wincing at Flavor Flav in his VH1 stage, but did Chuck D really just order his execution?—Kris Vire

In Character

2007-02-12T11:57:00.000-06:00

I have learned a valuable lesson. And that's what makes it okay to make mistakes. You learn from them.

So, I'm doing this play. And there's a kissing scene toward the end. The other actor and I have been very professional about it. It's a lovely, moving scene. Great acting moment. And bonus for the old married lady -- kissing someone new is like a mini-vacation from the husband. (Don't tell the husband I wrote that part.) One particular night, however, there was something a little different. The blocking was the same. The number of kisses the same. The intent and emotion of the scene... all the same. But there was a moan. And it didn't come from me. He moaned. Right after the final kiss, dude let out a moan that was audible only to me. The audience couldn't have heard that. And if it isn't for the audience's sake, then who is it for?

Here comes the lesson. If an actor you're kissing on stage lets out a moan of pleasure loud enough for only you to hear, just ignore it. Don't ask. Don't tell. Ignore it. Doesn't matter how curious you are. Doesn't matter if it seems completely out of character. Doesn't matter if you're driving yourself batty wondering "Who did I just kiss?" and "Who was that kissing me?" Doesn't matter. Let it go. Do not... repeat... DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES ASK THE ACTOR ABOUT WHAT JUST HAPPENED.

But if you do... or if you are me and can't go back in a time machine and undo what you did last night... here are the only two possible outcomes: He'll immediately deny it, repetitively announcing that it was just the character, and then he'll walk away from you; or he'll take a moment of introspection and then deny it, repetitively announcing that it was just the character. And then he'll walk away from you. Either way, you look like the asshole who's accusing him of some impropriety. Either way, the next time you have to kiss him on stage it's probably going to be a little more awkward than usual. Either way, you have to stay in character.

- Inda

EXCUSES

2007-02-09T09:29:00.000-06:00

Inda and I had a recent discussion over e-mail about making excuses based on race. Me, being Canadian and ignorant to the United States and you all's culture (or y'all as your Southerners say), Inda informed me of a few things and here is what I learned:

1. You are not allowed to make excuses based on race.
2. If you can't get somewhere because the CTA does not run in your neighborhood, okay that's VALID. But if you can't get to wherever you were going because you didn't feel like riding the CTA, that is INVALID.
3. If you have responsibility for a child legitimate (or illegitimate) and you can barely take care of them, but you are making all the payments and are there for them and you are trying to put that child first -- COOL. But if you know it's yours and you would rather not take care of it and pretend it doesn't exist -- UNCOOL.
4. If you commit to a group of people and you say you are going to do something and that group of people are depending on you otherwise the project will be compromised, but then you die -- that's ACCEPTABLE. Now, if you renig on your commitment because of an unspecified family emergency for the fourth time in two weeks -- you're a lying ho and that's UNACCEPTABLE.
5. Finally, if you lived through the Civil Rights Movement and have tried your best and protested like hell and were willing to die for change and were still oppressed and studied up on the legal system and tried to evoke change, and influenced other Afro-Americans in a positive way -- you deserve respect. But if you complain about White people and are not doing anything to change your situation, and you pretty much invalidate what those during the Civil Rights Movement did -- that is DISRESPECTFUL!

But I'm a rational Canadian. What do I know?

- Kevin

Old People Have Issues

2007-01-22T11:12:00.000-06:00

I have been working out quite a bit this year. So ladies... whatever. Man, I have been really busy, hence the no blogging. Now I am back. I am bloggin' like crazy!

The Chicago SketchFest, Brian Posen, Marshall Givens and the whole crew -- kevINda would like to say thanks. It was AWESOME!!! If you all have not experienced the Chicago SketchFest, that is a must before you die. There are SOOOOOOO many people and soooooooo many performers. I saw 20 groups or more... oh, because it's free for performers. If I lived closer I would have seen more. Saw two really good groups from my homeland (CANADA) they were The Skinny and Dance Party of Newfoundland. Yeah, good stuff and a bunch of great stuff from Chicago, NY and LA. I had to specify the Canadians because I gotta represent the CA... not California. That's just what I --

Okay, what else? It's cold as ___________. I like that. Let's do a fill in the blank blog. Bush is sending more troops to Iraq. What a _______________ idea! Okay, enough before I get _______ed. I have been watching 24. Inda, you were right... man, you were right. I still love LOST, but man that is a good _____________ show! I am on Season 5. I have one and a half disks left. Inda, hopefully, has the new season on DVR(per my request) or else I am ___________ and will have to wait until next ___________ year to watch this season. Such a good show. Man, after watching it I feel like I can kick anyone's _______ and solve any problem. Like the other day there was an old white lady who clearly needed help with her groceries and I went to help her and she got scared. So I became Jack Bauer and yelled, "LISTEN I AM ONLY TRYING TO HELP YOU DON'T be afraid!! IT'S THE YEAR 2007 GET OVER YOUR LITTLE RACIAL ISSUES and let me help you!!!" She started to scream and I started to run and as I was running, I realized I still had one of her grocery bags in my hand. I thought, man, Jack Bauer would not have ran off. Man, I am a ____sy and old white people are ungrateful. I don't know what I 'm going to do with the denture tablets, but I sure could use the eggs. BLACKOUT.

- Kevin

Us Too?

2007-01-12T18:20:00.000-06:00

Here is a copy of my recent letter to a Chicago company. Dang, I wish I could write a sketch about it... but I already did.

Dear Soul Salon Spa,

I found it offensive when White-owned companies began exploiting Dr. King's legacy to make a buck (Bay Furniture and Aaronson Furniture, for example). Someone just e-mailed me Soul Salon Spa's ad for the Dr. King Day Special and I realized the true meaning of the word offensive. It is not a clever marketing tactic. It's insensitive and manipulative and to twist his words and commercialize his legacy. It's even worse when we do it.

Please feel free to pass this on to the appropriate individual(s).

- Inda

Flowin'

2006-12-27T16:42:00.000-06:00

Merry Christmas... CPT. Merry Christmas, that is. Stream of consciousness, ready?

James Brown died at age 73. You lived a long life for a black man. James Brown, you are the real super bad! Movin' YEAH Groovin' YEAH!!! RIP

Gerald Ford? Um. He died at 94 I believe. You lived a long life for a white man of privilege. I pray that I see 94. I am being sincere. He was privileged. He was a damn President. That is the highest privilege, next to a person of royalty. Man, ya'll are sensitive. Fine. You lived a long life for someone of your stature. What does that even mean? Okay people, move on. Stream of consciousness, I'm streamin'...

Inda, I got your back on your support the troops blog. Oh yours was thank them for what? You might be alone on that one, just kidding. Yeah, ya'll should read that one, but if you are programmed by the machine don't read it because... just because. Now they'll read it Inda and hello controversy. So this is how Mel Gibson and other celebrities do it. The celebrites know what they are doing. Release an album, movie, or DVD, but do something that will get you in the media first, drink and drive, do drugs, do a prostitute, a little boy, say something about Jews or n-words --

Why are we still giving Michael Richards attention? Don't watch, acknowledge, or buy anything Seinfeld or with Michael Richards on it or in it. There, problem solved. He's a third-rate celebrity getting first-rate attention.

Tsunami's anniversary was yesterday. But we are America. We barely care about our own "little" hurricane victims, so why would we remember any one elses. Richest country...? Yeah, rich with selfishness. Rich with ignorance... rich with... you get it.

Family. I love family. I was hanging with some friends in Texas they are like my second family... 'cause... yes that is where I spent ten years of my life, and there are some good people there. Granted, they were not born in Texas, but seriously, I give Texas shit, but I gotta tell you there are some nice people there. Texans at least say hi and carry on conversations; they want to help you. So I say this, customer service in Chicago could learn a lot from customer service in Texas. Oh, while I am on that. When you are working a JOB, like a customer service job, snide comments or asking unnecessary or inappropriate questions is not what you are paid to do. For example:

ME: Hi. I accidentally ripped the DVD cellophane, but did not open it enough to take it out of the package so can I exchange it?
CHICAGO CUSTOMER SERVICE REP: Well, maybe you should have read the package.
ME: So, is that a yes to the exchange?
CHICAGO: What do you think?
ME: Well bitch (not a woman, but a male bitch, don't know if he was gay, but he was a male and acting like a bitch), you shouldn't have asked me that because I THINK you are paid to answer my damn question and nothing else. You live in America, everything is a choice. And in America you have other shitty jobs you can work at. So Mr. Minimum Wage, is that a yes or a no to the exchange, and you better answer it correctly because I will be more than happy to repeat this to your manager and anyone else in earshot of me. So what's your answer, bitch!?

Did it really happen? To me? Something like that, but I am sure the exact thing happened to someone. It's your job. Shut up, answer the questions or quit. Don't use your job to vent or release whatever anger you have pent up inside you.

I got NAS's new album Hip Hop is Dead... Yes, Nas, it is dead and MTV, BET, and Clear Channel, to name a few, killed it. MTV -- the only network to commit suicide and reincarnate itself into a worse broadcast than it was before. Aren't you suppose to get better with age? MTV has gotten repulsive with age. And our kids are retarded, thanks to MTV. And MTV is patting itself on the shoulder with every ignorant teenager that it has helped produce. Well done, Music Television, well done. MTV: They're skipping school anyway, fuck'em. Yeah MTV !!!

Oh, I shouldn't have said any of that because MTV may want me to write for them and then they will find this blog... oh, I don't have a chance of getting hired there because mediocrity is king and I don't have the power to overthrow it -- YET!

- Kevin

I'm Black and I'm Proud!

2006-12-25T09:31:00.000-06:00

James Brown died early Christmas morning. He was 73.

Not Black History Month!

2006-12-24T11:35:00.000-06:00

Did y'all read this?

Iran vowed Sunday to push forward efforts to enrich uranium and to change its relations with the international nuclear watchdog after the U.N. Security Council imposed sanctions designed to stop the country's disputed atomic program.

Iran's hard-line President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said the Security Council would regret voting in favor of the sanctions, saying he was sorry the West lost its chance to make amends with Iran. "I am sorry for you who lost the opportunity for friendship with the nation of Iran. You yourself know that you cannot damage the nation of Iran an iota," the state-run news agency, IRNA, quoted Ahmadinejad as saying.

Ahmadinejad also said the United Nations must accept Iran's nuclear program and warned that sanctions would not harm his country. "You have to accept that Iran has the technology of producing nuclear fuel. And it will celebrate it in coming anniversary of the 1979 Islamic revolution in February," Ahmadinejad was quoted as saying.

Foreign Ministry spokesman Mohammad Ali Hosseini said Iran would change its relationship with the U.N. nuclear watchdog, the International Atomic Energy Agency. "We are not obliged and it is not expected that cooperation with the IAEA continues at the same former level," Hosseini told reporters. He did not elaborate.

Iran's parliament on Sunday voted to urge the country's administration to revise its cooperation with the IAEA but did not set a timeline or provide further details. Many legislators chanted "Death to America" after the vote.

Man, I got stuff to do in March. I'd like to still be here to do it.

- Inda

My Favorite Lionel

2006-12-23T17:29:00.000-06:00

Someone e-mailed me this, and I'm sad.

Actor Mike Evans, best known as Lionel Jefferson in the TV sitcoms “All in the Family” and “The Jeffersons,” has died. He was 57. Evans died of throat cancer December 14 at his mother’s home in Twentynine Palms, said his niece, Chrystal Evans. Evans, along with Eric Monte, also created and wrote for “Good Times,” one of the first TV sitcoms that featured a primarily black cast.

Michael Jonas Evans was born November 3, 1949, in Salisbury, North Carolina. His father, Theodore Evans Sr., was a dentist while his mother, Annie Sue Evans, was a school teacher. The family moved to Los Angeles when Evans was a child.

He studied acting at Los Angeles City College before getting the role of Lionel Jefferson in 1970s situation comedy “All in the Family.” Evans kept the role of Lionel when “The Jeffersons” launched in 1975. The hit show was a spinoff featuring bigoted Archie Bunker’s black neighbors in Queens who “move on up to the East Side” of Manhattan. Evans was replaced by Damon Evans (no relation) for four years, then he returned to the series from 1979 to 1981.

He also acted in the 1976 TV miniseries “Rich Man, Poor Man” and made guest appearances on the TV series “Love, American Style” and “The Streets of San Francisco.” His last role was in a 2000 episode of “Walker, Texas Ranger.” In recent years he had invested in real estate in Southern California.

- Inda

Saying Thank You

2006-12-21T10:20:00.000-06:00

A friend recently e-mailed me a link to an online greeting card of sorts, which she wanted me to sign onto to say "thank you" to the U.S. troops in Iraq. Now, I have no problem saying "take care of yourselves" or "your family and friends love you" or "be careful" and of course "come home safe." I do, however, have a problem saying "thank you." And I expressed my earnest confusion over this specific term to my friend. What exactly are we thanking them for, I queried. Her response, in short, was that we should be thanking them for doing a job that we don't want to do.

Well, hell, in that case we should be thanking accountants. Where's the online greeting card for the schmuck who works a 9-5 in a 4x4 felt-covered cubicle attached by hinges? Where's the support for the loser who wears a shirt and tie to work every single day to go crunch numbers? How many little boys and girls dream of growing up one day to be the person who counts other people's money? Ooh, and maybe they can make a few extra dollars at tax time freelancing. During their off-time. Talk about doing a crap job that nobody else wants. Who's thanking the accountants?

Now, I'm not unpatriotic. Okay, I am. But I still maintain that I don't owe thanks to someone for making their own career choice. So you chose to serve in the military. Okay. That's fine. I don't need to thank you for it. You do your thing.

Now, on the other hand, if our country had been invaded and the U.S. military were literally protecting us, then heck yes, a million thanks. But wasn't this war begun to find WMDs? Where there weren't any? Yeah, thought so. And weren't we fed a lot of propaganda about fighting "terror"? Oh, yeah, these aren't the same people who were behind the 9/11 attacks. Different people entirely. So why are they still there? That's right, they're training the Iraqi military (who aren't bothering to show up for duty) to defend Iraq so they can take care of themselves. Because they asked us to come and do that. Oh, no, they didn't. What should we do now? Send more troops! INSANE!!! But I digress.

It's not their fault that they're there. I feel bad that this is happening to them. Really bad. They're getting hurt, losing their lives, seeing horrors of war. So how about a sympathy card? Instead of sending a card that says "thank you," we should send a card that says "Sorry the government lied to you. They lied to us, too. Sorry you can't come home. Sorry you're helping people who don't want your help. Sorry you didn't have a better guidance counselor in high school. Sorry you didn't become an accountant instead of joining the military."

- Inda

Aspen Baby!

2006-12-19T18:24:00.000-06:00

kevINda will perform in the HBO U.S. Comedy Arts Festival in Aspen. The festival is the end of February through first week of March. Couldn't be happier.

Guess the journey ain't so bad.

- Inda

Journey This!

2006-12-19T12:48:00.000-06:00

If one more person tells me, "It's all about the journey," I'm going to stab them in the eyeball. I don't care who it is. Friend, acquaintance, well-meaning clergyperson... doesn't matter. I can't hear "It's all about the journey" one more freakin' time.

Here's why: It's a lie. It's a passive-aggressive way to tell someone that you don't really believe in them. What you're really saying, in a smarmy, new-agey kinda way is this: I know you won't actually achieve this lofty, fantasy of a goal you've set for yourself. Everyone who knows you knows that you're going to fail. But since you won't admit your imminent failure to yourself, there's nothing else I can tell you but to enjoy it. You won't reach that destination, loser, so enjoy the ride. It's all about the journey. Sucker.

Well, I don't buy that. Or I don't want to buy into it. And as long as I don't... as long as I keep telling myself that I'll reach a real and true goal... as long as I stay in denial... I'll be fine.

So, no, I will not enjoy the journey. In fact, I'm doing everything I can to make the "journey" as miserable, difficult, rocky, and cringe-inducing as I possibly can. And I'm taking you all along with me for the painful ride. That way, when I do get "there," I can say it was worth all the pain-staking effort. So not only am I enduring the pain and suffering, but I'm creating more as I go along. Illogical? Whatever. It's better than going through life all journey-bound. That's a one-way ticket to nowheresville. Screw that. I have a destination. I'm goal-oriented, unlike these "journey" freaks who just want to enjoy "being" and "traveling" to their nowhere. I've got somewhere to be and a time-table to get me there. I may be late, I may be cranky, and I may be frustrated. But when I arrive, and I will... oh, yes, I will... I'll be happier and more satisfied than any of the "journeymen" who are just content to "be." Cause I've been through it. The ringer, baby. And I came out the other side. Or... I will... in the future.

But in the meantime, DO NOT try to sell me the "It's all about the journey" line. Or if you do, pick an eye. It's your choice. Whichever one you want. Enjoy the choosing. It's all about the choosing.

- Inda

Do Not Invoke the Name of The Pryor!

2006-12-12T22:07:00.000-06:00

Go to jesterjournal.com to read a review of our recent New York showcase for HBO's US Comedy Arts Festival.

- Inda

The Callback!

2006-12-12T08:44:00.000-06:00

We would like to thank The PIT, Kirsten, Alex, Mary, TV's Lamorne, Tamberla (for sending her friends), 2 Girls for 5 Bucks and Livia Scott for the wonderful experience! The second showcase for HBO went well. We'll hear somethin' in a few weeks. We would also like to thank everyone for their prayers and continued support. kevINda loves each and everyone of you... and some of you more than others.

- kevINda

Cracker vs. N-Word

2006-12-04T11:46:00.000-06:00

So a Cracker and a Nig -- N-Word -- were sitting and having lunch. The N-word is the only N-word in the break room. The rest are all Crackers:

Cracker: Hey what do you think of the whole Michael Richards thing, or better yet, the N-word?
N-Word: What do you think of it?
Cracker: I think it's awful. What he said, I was appalled. If I hadn't seen the video I never would have believed it --
N-Word: I know you wouldn't have.
Cracker: Um, right -- I just wouldn't have believed it. I mean, Seinfeld is such a great show --
N-Word: Oh, the show that takes place in the dimension where New York is filled with all white people?
Cracker: Um, ah, I don't understand --
N-Word: You wouldn't. Keep going. You were saying something about the N-Word?
Cracker: Oh, yes. I think the N-Word is awful and no one should use it. I get offended when I hear it. What do you think?
N-Word: Wow. Well, you know what I get offended by?
Cracker: Wha --
N-Word: Crackers who like to focus their energy on shit that they should not be focusing their energy on. Micromanaging Crackers. They offend me. Closeted white guilt. That offends me. Just admit you feel guilty about what your ancestors did, and that you are sorry that you are and will continue to reap the benefits of slavery. YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE OFFENDS ME?
Cracker: Um, please lower your --
N-Word: The fact that niggers are filling up our prisons; the fact that most cities with a large Black population have a ghetto filled with Black people; the fact that those ghettos have schools that are below average; the fact that there is AIDS in Africa, or forget Africa, the Black females here have a higher percentage of AIDS cases than any other race in the U.S. and growing; the fact that niggers in New Orleans are not even a concern anymore, even though it looks the same as it did a year ago; the fact that CRACKERS always want my opinion on the damn N-WORD!! Why don't you let us handle the N-Word since we are the only ones that should be using it, and you handle the other shit!
Cracker: Okay. Um... One last question before security gets here. Why can't we use it?
(N-Word gives Cracker a look that could kill.)
Cracker: Never mind. We have enough. We'll go ahead and start focusing on the other "shit" you had mentioned.
(N-Word exits.)
Cracker: (to the other Crackers in break room.) That nigger is crazy.

Blackout.

- Kevin

You Don't Know Me

2006-11-30T21:04:00.000-06:00

Hey, if you don't know me please don't claim to know me. There are people that I have known for a long time who have known me for a long time who still don't really KNOW me. I mean no one can really know someone, because people change. I mean some people are set in their ways, but you don't even really know those people. So if you don't know me or think you know me or think you know my type, you don't know me. You can ask about me and I may give you info about me, but you still won't know me. You'll know information that I choose to give about me and even then you won't know for sure if that information is true. Is he lying, is he telling the truth -- who knows? You don't know so please don't claim to know me if you don't. Now you know.

- Kevin

Fat Partner + Tears = Emmy

2006-11-27T15:44:00.000-06:00

Man, bringing Laura Webber Baldwin Spencer Cassadine Spencer back to General Hospital was a sure-fire way to win somebody an Emmy. But maybe not for Genie Francis. Tony Geary brought it. I don't care it it's daytime, nighttime, theatre, film, whatever. Acting is acting. And that dude brought it! He should get an Emmy. They should bring Genie Fatass... I mean Francis back whenever Geary's overdue for an award. Man, I need a Fatass. Kevin, go away, eat something (or eat everything), then come back so I can bring the tears and win a Jeff.

- Inda